Question for ya all Kinney26: Ok, now my stbx won't try because she says she just doesn't have "those feelings" for me anymore. My question is, if you are in love with someone for years and then things go sour for a bit and start to lose those feelings because of that hard period, don't you think if things got better and problems were resolved that you could regain those feelings again? If you can lose them, can't you find them again? Her excuse is that she thinks nothing would change and it would be exactly how it was before.
Kin
Re:Question for ya all lostinlife: Kin,
Fear may be guiding her thinking on this. I am at the same place with my hubby and although things are ok right now, the fear that it will go back and turn to crap again is very real. I can tell that I hold back from him more, trying to protect myself from the intense pain that I am pretty sure will come along again.
In my case, though, he refuses any help, therapy and is bipolar. I know that the down slide is coming, I just don't know when and whether I will be able to ride the next one out or if I will bail then. Again, the fear is a main driving force on this.
I recommend talking with her, find out if you could BOTH go to counciling togther and see if you can regain it. She may be too far out for it to ever come back. There could be a trust issue at work as well.
Sorry, not much help am I? Wish I could be of more help.
Best and big (((Hugs)))
LiL
Re:Question for ya all caringmom: Wow, that is a really good question. It so much depends on the person and the situation. I have more, but I need to really think about this.
Re:Question for ya all richmds: That was good info LIL, I am in a very similar situation as Kin and was wondering the exact same thing.
How love can be turned on and off like that. But what you said makes a lot of sense. Not that love is turned off, just behind a big wall now.
Re:Question for ya all lostinlife: Eactly - behind a wall. I still love him as much as I did the day that we married, if not more. It is just in a protected area. I don't show it that much anymore due the pain that I have been through and the fear that if I let it out again, my world will come crashing down around me.
Glad it helped someone! :)
LiL
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