Re:Question for ya all Kinney26: She did tell me that there was a fear factor there. There was no abuse or anything like that in our relationship. I did have some insecurity issues that stemmed from issues growing up and previous relationships, but she did not help them when she told me she was going to leave me once a year every year of our marriage. She never really sat and talked to me about her problems and when you are insecure you don't automatically see it because you can justify your actions. She recently told me that she see a change in me and said I seem more at peace with myself than she has ever seen me, but those feelings just aren't there to try. She asks how does she know I will stay this way if we got back together. I have just come to grips with my insecurities and worked very hard on myself over the past 6 months, but she still says no. I could just never walk out on my family thinking what if. If we got back together and I went back than fine, it is my fault, but if things could be great, why not find out for sure. Of couse I have made myself sound like I was terrible to her, which is far from the case, but I do take responsibility for my part.
Kin
Re:Question for ya all caringmom: Kin it really depends on the person. I'm not one that can easily fall out of love if I truly love someone. I don't remember what the problems were that made her leave you, but I do remember they weren't something real serious though. She should be happy that you are working so hard to better yourself.
It could be alot of things making her act this way. Some people fall in and out of love (or what they think is love) so easily. The question is, was she really truly in love? I can tell you were and still are.
I was raised with real family values and morals and if you had problems you worked through them. You don't just one day decide you aren't going to be in love with someone. Maybe she wasn't raised that way. I don't know. I don't know how her family is. I believe alot is in the way you are raised though.
Marriage is work, but some people don't think it should be. They think that if things get a little tough you can quit. Sorry, that is not how marriage is. You put 2 totally different people together in a relationship and that is work.
I don't believe those feelings of love are completely lost, if they really love you. They could be in hiding for fear of the unknown. Like I said it all depends on the person. Sorry I'm rambling and I don't know if I actually answered your question. I hope I helped some what. If I confused you more, just let me know ???.
Sorry my mind is in so many different places today, i'm having a hard time concentrating on what I'm trying to write.
Re:Question for ya all Kinney26: She actually told me a couple weeks ago that she did love me completely. How can you love someone completely and then just not anymore. Wouldn't that be conditional love? As far as her family, her mom and dad did not have a great relationship and fought all the time. they divorced the same year we got together.
Kin
Re:Question for ya all caringmom: Maybe she really doesn't know what it is to love someone completely. She saw alot of fighting in her family growing up. It might be hard to love completely & unconditionally when you grew up with that kind of family life. Maybe she is afraid of getting back together because she is actually afraid that she is also going to fail at the marriage again. Not just you failing. Then she feels all the hurt will just start all over again.
You have to remember it isn't just you that caused problems with your marriage. She contributed to the problems too. She said the feelings just aren't there. You are going to have to accept that and move on. Who knows what can happen down the road. But there will be someone that will love you unconditionally and completely.
If I knew my ex was totally changed and was trying real hard for my family, I might just give our marriage that chance. I would feel I owed it to my children to try again. I do still love him, but there is no way he is ever going to change, he's not even trying. My love has never totally gone away, just a huge wall built for protection.
I believe your STBX will be sorry for her decision one day. If she loved you completely she will be sorry. Maybe it will be too late, and maybe not. If I had someone like you, I would definately give the marriage another chance. You seem like too good a guy not to find that special person. Just go on with your life and you never know what will happen in the future. Take care of yourself and your son. Also, have alot of fun in KC this weekend!!!!
Re:Question for ya all lee: Hi there. I have to agree with you & chime in. I have noticed a change in my H. But I am afraid. I definitely have a wall up. It is Very true. and right now, i dont feel like i can ever bring that wall down. But I also agree with Caringmom last post.
I have a family member who is an alcoholic, so I am very familiar with conditional love. And for him that is all he can give. Can you accept that from her, if that is all she has to give to you?
If you can, tell me how.
It is very hard to work through insecurities & it makes me sad to know she is not willing to see that.
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