Never let them make you the scapegoat! Marb_Man: Does anyone with full custody of their children ever get used by the parent that is not around as the scapegoat when it comes to why they cant be with their children? Because they do not live at home with them like you do.
I feel blamed and it ticks me off. She cant be around them because she decided to move 300 miles away. For no reason. She could have stayed in the same city -so easy. I always get the same response it wouldnt have happened if I hadn't have stuck my d**K in some other woman.
You know, I am through with the blame game. Why isn't it about taking care of these boys and making them feel loved. It is not about what abouts, Should haves, Could haves or whatevers. It is about the future now. What are we going to do together to make this easy for them and ourselves.
I am further ahead them my s2bx in realizing what needs to occur in these children's life to keep moving forward. How about a thank you once in awhile............I hope you read this one S...T...B...X!
I am not mad at her. I'm just trying to understand what is going on with her. This is very real on my side. I do it all now that she is gone. If I complain about anything I get the... Well, If you can't handle it I could....What a selfish remark to say to someone that is working so hard at making the kids feel like they still have a family.
Re: Never let them make you the scapegoat! barelybreathing: Yup, if we complain, whine or show one sign of weakness when it comes to parenting they act like they are going to swoop in and save the day. Please.
IP, you rock. I have said it time and time again. Do not let her frustrate you. She is going, as well as my s2bx, to make us the scapegoats, the reasons, the excuses for all of it. Don't you know that is so much easier than looking within themselves and finding out what the sam hell is wrong with them? So remember that the next time she starts in on you. It is all she has. To make you look like the big bad culprit.....b/c you are far from that. She needs to thank you for stepping up while she flakes out, for being responsible while she is being irresponsible, for keeping a routine for the boys while she operates off the cuff. She needs to show some grateful appreciation. And don't let her disrespect you again.
YOU ROCK!
Here is one for ya, stbx flies in for two days, disrupts my daughters routine then blows out of town. Yesterday she talks to him on the phone and starts crying...hands me the phone to talk to him, she is hugging me and saying to me, "daddy gone, not here. Mommy, always right here." Once again, stone cold silence on the other end of the phone. Yes, sweet baby girl, Mommy is "always right here."
WE ROCK! Me a scapegoat? Hell no. He should be on his fricken knees thanking me for raising such an incredible little creature.
BB
Re: Never let them make you the scapegoat! luvbai: BB said, "Yup, if we complain, whine or show one sign of weakness when it comes to parenting they act like they are going to swoop in and save the day. Please."
My X does this all the time! pssssssh! He couldn't even take care of the cat, let alone our 3 yr old. We do ROCK! There are times espically in the last couple of days that I've just felt overwhelmed. There is a song called "Running Out of Days" by 3 Doors Down, I'll post the lyrics, its how I've been feeling lately. I've noticed through the posts on the board that several people are getting bitten by the blue's bug. Is there a full moon or somthing? :-/
As always you guys can put my thoughts to words. IP, "Why isn't it about taking care of these boys and making them feel loved. It is not about what abouts, Should haves, Could haves or whatevers. It is about the future now. What are we going to do together to make this easy for them and ourselves." That's exactly the way I feel IP!
Me, he*l, I'll be fine! My daughter on the other hand has lost a father, unless he can find a way to straighten up & then convience me he has. Highly unlikely! She is the one that is suffering & it kills me. The emotional effect of divorce on the parents is minimal in my opinion, compared to the loss the children will feel. Were adults we can take care of ourselves, but god blessed us with children to protect, care for, & love. Bai is my top priority before everything & i mean everything else including any need I may think I have. Part of being a parent is self sacrificing your so called needs or wants in the best interest of the children. Its so unfortunate for our stbx's & x's that they don't realize this. Because they miss out on sooo much. BB, such as your daughter knowing you are there.... no matter what you're there! That is an awesome feeling for you.
Re: Never let them make you the scapegoat! barelybreathing: Luvbai, she is only two mind you.
Children are so astute.
Thanks for the support.
BB
Re: Never let them make you the scapegoat! Lisaf: You can still get scapegoated when you share custody. My kids act out everything with me they are too afraid to show their dad. If I try to discuss their behaviour with him...he tells me that I need to work on my anger issues and that they don't do these things at his house so they must only do them with me because they think they can get away with it. Of course if I told him that our daughter doesn't tell him stuff because even at five she's afraid he'll get angry or she doesn't feel like she can...I'm sure I'd be told she's just playing me.
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