set back due to pictures how to deal w/it hardened_heart1970: this is a stupid question. i totally was happy today. UNTILL i stumbled upon a picture of my STBXW (TFB) anyone with ideas on help dealing with pictures, hearing stuff, or even seeing them? she left all our honeymoon pics, and vacation ones. i have them in boxes. but i saw her yesterday, and the F**** BIT** never even lifted her head. i know she saw me. now thats ignorant. i wasnt even looking for her pic. now im depressed again and sad. any ideas? thanks
Re:set back due to pictures how to deal w/it amess: I cut off all contact with my H, put all memories of us away, and I mean ALL, and will not run into him. These little jolts will happen from time to time, and they temporarily set you back, so it's best to keep everything to a minumum. Don't go where she goes, don't listen to anyone who brings her up, and don't look at memories. In time, you will be able to, but for now, cut your losses as much as you can. I'm sorry you have to go through this, I know how sickeningly hard it is.
Re:set back due to pictures how to deal w/it marfanoidus: What you're feeling is normal, and probably healthy.
As time goes by it becomes easier to accept the changes, and when this happens these reminders lose some of their potency.
But what are these reminders? Deep down I feel they serve to remind us our plans and dreams we once had are not going to be. Its normal to not enjoy such things, especially when they force us to create new plans and dreams with what remains of our lives.
As time separates us from broken relationships and we move on with our new lives, what may seem huge or frightening or upsetting to us now will someday be looked back upon as not awful, but as a stepping stone to who we will have become.
Its a time and acceptance thing - it will get better for you.
This is what I did when those feelings would encroach upon me - I would say out loud to myself "I sincerely hope she finds happiness." There is such a deep acceptance and 'letting go' in wishing the best for our ex's.
hope some of this helped a bit,
good luck to you,
walt
Re:set back due to pictures how to deal w/it richmds: Back in high school when I broke up with a girlfriend that later we talked, she threw away all my pictures, gifts, anything to do with me. At the time I thought that was insane. But when I moved out I did the same, I left all pictures, and reminders behind and started fresh.
I just knew if I started feeling better and had a reminder pop up I would have a hard time dealing with it. But also I know years down the line I probably will regret not having some memories of it, but not now.
Re:set back due to pictures how to deal w/it keokuk: my ex husband (TFD, I guess is the gender equivalent?) never gave me any pictures because he always came up wih an excuse why he couldn't have me over to look thru them, that he was busy, that he needed to pet the cat that day, whatever. So I retained about 4 pictures.
I'd really like some of my wedding photos back someday but on the other hand, it's like what everyone here is saying - totally depressing.
On the same token, he's a pack rat. He'll keep them. So, maybe one far off day when we're in our 60's and can be more civil to each other, maybe we can take a look at them then.
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