Re:Question for the women jason: Hello there;
I think you will wonder whether I read the question or not, as I am most definitely NOT a woman, but I had to answer this post.
Your wife sounds an awful lot like my EX wife, and curiously, they were the same age when the "change of life " they sought came into play.
Like you, I chose my future wife pretty carefully, though in hindsight, apparantly not carefully enough !!!!
In my case, I thought my wife was a conservative, family oriented individual with strong moral foundations. In fact, she was attracted to me because I WAS all those things and still am to this day. She, on the other hand, was merely parroting my values, the same way she had parroted her parents values her whole life before. In truth, she had no idea who or what she was; she stood for nothing at all.
In the end, I think this must be worse punishment than anything I could devise for her, and, a (very expensive) year on ( I got my speech a year ago tomorrow), the only emotion I feel when I think of her is pity, and, once you move through this, I think you may well feel the same.
Re:Question for the women richmds: Well not really only for women to answer I only put that because I knew men that cheated and they act exactly the same their personalities are not different when in a relationship, cheating, or breaking up.
So I was wondering if any women out there had friends that went through this transformation so at least they could shed some light on whats going on in a persons mind that would become a new person.
I agree with the guilt / shame thing. Funny lots of what people are replying also was the case with me, parroting certain decisions or traits that were me, and now only spending time with the other person exclusively.
Re:Question for the women Puppetonastring: I agree wholeheartedly with Jason. The parot theory makes sense. In my relationship, I was always loyal and held family and my wife as my # 1 priority. I know who I am and what makes me happy. My ex would try to be a good wife , mother and contributor to the family.
She always fell short because I think she realized this was not what she wanted. She wanted to be single. I agree with Jason. I asked myself , what does my ex stand for. My answer "nothing." and I pity her for that.
Even she has no idea who she is. I think there are people out there who will go through life not having their own identity and they inturn would rather kling like a parasite onto the identity and moral fiber of others. Why this happens, no idea. Maybe my ex is different with her new boyfriend. The woman I know, is selfish , wicked, deceitful, disloyal and scared. I spent 9 years with her and although all those things were present, love is blind until you have had enough. When you reach the point where you've had enough, you are already detached and once you are detached, you will be able to clearly see the person for who the truly are as defined by their actions. Also for the record, my ex will be 31 in a few more days. ALSO, I have to mention that through the lies, cheating, stealing reckless behavior with our 2 boys , she shows no shame nor remorse for the manner in which she destroyed our family. That is the part that baffles me. No remorse or shame whatsoever. How can there be a happy ending for a person such as this?
Re:Question for the women scrdbyelmo: well, my xh is the one that cheated and as i found out he didn't change a bit he was just more blatant and got cought...I on the other hand change drastically....i have friends now that see me and pictures of my house and other things from before affair and then they see how i am now and pics of me now and my house etc. and although this is what happened with me the non-cheater maybe it goes the same way on the other end of the spectrum....
I made (subconsciously) a mental list of things i would never do the same.....please excuse the scaryness...
1. Never be big again (lost 65 lbs with divorce diet)
2. Never be as domesticated
ex. cooking, baking, crafts, painting,sewing, mowing etc. anything that i did before
3. Never wear boring clothes again (by my standards of course)
4. Never have natural hair color (that would be normal)
Etc Etc. Etc. anything i believed made him cheat on me in the first place. If i don't do those things then neither he or anyone else will cheat on me again...
now, with mucho counseling, love and support i've managed to cook a pot of spaghetti and paint a picture for a friend...but not too much i have to appear non-domestic....lol
Re:Question for the women seth: What a coincidence. MY ex is a teacher (and is about to turn 31) and she is a self-styled "saint" who volunteers as a big sister to a little girl whose mother is an illegal alien from Mexico.... She is also learning spanish so she can further her "career," as she puts it. ON the outside, people would think she's just so great but I know what a completely rotten b-tch she is!
No one at her school knows she's on two different classes of antidepressants and a sedative and has been in psychotherapy for nearly five years..... Or that she's flaky as all get out.....
Something happens to women when they turn 30--it's their mid-life crisis.... I took it as a signal that she'd finally want to make a lifelong commitment to me, but it was exactly the opposite.
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