Re:What is a Rebound? ChristyM: Wrong Jason ...
First off, a rebound to me signifies bouncing off of something (a relationship that didn't work is the metaphor for the ball not going in the basket) and then just grabbing at anything without much thought ... basically the only thought being you have to get it (recover it) and have it now and that's all that matters. And it is not defined by sex. Although we know everything is defined by sex with you ;) , two people have been known to engage in a *relationship* (gasp!) without sex ..
I think the amount of time between the relationship that just ended and the start of the new "rebound" relationship is a big factor in labeling it a true rebound.
Christy
Re:What is a Rebound? marfanoidus: Hey there Elmo,
Although I already gave my opinion, you said something in your last post which caught my eye:
[quote"> ...he says things like i will change and how much time before you bail on me....he is changing but not as fast as i'd like....im impatient[/quote">
To me, that is an enormous red flag - for both of you. Expecting people to change (for whatever reason, good or bad) is very often a cause for disaster.
If you feel a relationship is appropriate for this period in your life, I would STRONGLY suggest giving thought to finding someone you like for who he is - NOT for something you think he can be. Big bad idea.
You cannot assure a level of compatability necessary for a healthy relationship based on assumptions of change in either partner. It rarely works, and inversely it causes resentment, depression, cheating, etc..
Think about it this way - you may be asking him to be something he is not. How would you like a man to expect that of you?
How many times have we heard men complain "Why does she always try to change me?"
How many times have we heard women complain "Why doesn't he love me for who I am?"
These are BIG things, HUGE - and they almost always result when change is expected.
I've probably ranted too much, but this is a BIGGIE for me which I can't stress enough. Just give it some thought and look at my comment to the left <- .
good luck to you,
walt
Re:What is a Rebound? scrdbyelmo: thank you walt my counselor also told me that when i was dealing with the cheater when he was saying he'd change....but i want to throw something at you, this may be a list of excuses i've made for him, so i want to know what others thoughts are....
this man,my friend, like i said told me (my trust is way off in anything b/c of my ex so this could all be a line of crap a mile long and i realize that, however, for the now i am going with it) in the beginning that he's scared of committment...he's been married twice and both women cheated on him and the last one really drug him through the broken glass(this has been supported by other men and women in our community he's known by many...since then he's not gotten to deep into a relationship for fear of getting screwed over again...(his words) and everytime i have tried to break up with him because i want him closer to me faster he says he knows he has problems with committment and he really likes being with me and what can he do...so to truly break up with him seeing these minute(sp?) healthy changes mind you for instance, being ok that we talk once a day b/c i want to say hi...nothing more just to hear from him, happening and thinking well it's only been 5.5 months maybe those small changes in his mind that i won't bite him could turn out to be something great....even others that work with him have said that he talks about me a lot and stuffff......
is this just a list of excuses for him........open my eyes if so please
oh, i was wondering HOW do you date again LOL just kidding
scrdbyelmo
Re:What is a Rebound? marfanoidus: I don't know if its a list of excuses, but it may very well be real baggage.
This is going to sound judgmental of me (so if I offend someone here, I offer my apologies in advance) - when someone has been divorced multiple times, odds are extremely good that they are a big part of the reason.
If I were you, and this will sound odd, I would talk to his ex's. Maybe they cheated on him because of his emotional distance (I've read this is overwhelmingly why women cheat). But then again, maybe they were skanks. Either way or any other way, he has baggage which you will have to deal with.
Commitment is a primary required ingredient for successful relationships - if he isn't ready to commit as he needs to, then he isn't ready for a relationship now. And its no egg on his face - he just may not be at a place in his life where a relationship would be the right thing for him.
And it doesn't matter how much he talks about you at work, or how often he calls to hear your voice, or anything else - if he isn't ready, he isn't ready. And its not really fair of him to steal time from your life if this is the case. He needs to realize "Hey - I'm not ready for another relationship right now." Then he can begin growing and learning, and you can continue your search.
blah blah blah,
If it was me, I would walk away with no hard feelings,
good luck to you,
walt
Re:What is a Rebound? jason_stl: [quote"> two people have been known to engage in a *relationship* (gasp!) without sex ..[/quote">
Perish the thought.
;)
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