Re:Marriage - Huh - What is it Good For - Absolutely Nothin' brokenman: Hey RH, perhaps it is a bit of nonsense, but when I think of being old and unmarried I see a great risk of becoming a dirty old man. Perhaps I am just projecting my own fears into a stereotype. No harm, no foul. I will look to having a marriage-type relationship for the long haul. And in that sense, marriage brings a level of security with it... with the right person who approaches it from the same avenue. If both people agree that marriage is a commitment that requires fidelity then it works for the better. And the security that comes with it goes a long way.
Re:Marriage - Huh - What is it Good For - Absolutely Nothin' Runehawk: dj: Ooh, you accidentally pressed one of my buttons - the "I need X to be complete" button.
My stbx used that line to finally convince me that conceiving a child was the right thing to do. Three years later, said stbx leaves with said child.
Please understand that I'm not attacking you here when I ask: can you define a "complete" self? For myself, I think its a modern myth, a means of selling more self-help manuals and the like. You will be "complete" when you die: all that you are will then be complete, and not a moment before.
Personally, I don't think I can ever expose myself to marriage, ever again. Its a deception that compounds on the illusion of love.
marfanoidus: What I know deep down is that Mars needs Women. ;) I'm not adverse to relationships - although right now I known I'm not ready for that - but rather, I'm hostile to 'modern marriage', hostile to the deceits inherent in the very institution of marriage. Actually, I'm coming around to the opinion that marriage is itself outdated: it no longer serves the interests of modern society. Its a left-over appendage, like the appendix, suitable only for removal.
brokenman: Security? Marriage means nothing of the sort.
My own case - I married late in life, coming from a broken home myself, intent to "do it right" by picking a stable likeminded lifelong partner who would share committments and our lives together. We moved in together (to ensure compatibility), married, had a child, moved to another state, picked and bought a house, whereupon I was thereafter abandoned so that she could "find happiness", taking our child (MY happiness!) with her.
The only thing I am secure in is the fact that people and relationships are like leaves falling from the tree. Occassionally two leaves will touch one another and fall entwined for a short distance, but inevitably they will part. Its the way of things. How many leaves have brushed or touched you in your life, from which you have never heard again?
Re:Marriage - Huh - What is it Good For - Absolutely Nothin' timetobefree: [quote author=Runehawk link=board=20;threadid=5577;start=0#msg43004 date=1100789808">
There are all kinds of benefits to a woman, but overall, why in the world did I propose to her other than to make her happy? [/quote">
Please explain. I'd hate to wrongfully assume you are a sexist pig...
Amy
Re:Marriage - Huh - What is it Good For - Absolutely Nothin' brokenman: There is nothing that comes to mind for me to say that would not come across as being accusatory, snarky, or baiting. And since I don't intend to be any of those I will refrain from saying anything other than I hope you feel differently in the future. I have been bitter, cold, and hateful toward my ex over what she has done. But it wasn't marriage that killed our marriage. It was her deceit.
Re:Marriage - Huh - What is it Good For - Absolutely Nothin' Runehawk: A woman entering into marriage gains:
* The right to terminate the marriage for any reason (or no reason) AND be rewarded for it. A man can file for divorce, but odds are highly stacked against him in all related matters: custody, support, alimony.
* The right to maintain her "standard of living". The husband, even if awarded custody, is forbidden this court-awarded right.
* The laws' supposition that she has "the best interests of the child"; all other things being equal, a woman will get custody automatically by virtue of gender.
* The right to petition the courts for *increase* in support; no mechanisms exist for a divorced man to petition *any* decrease or relief: the amounts go one way only - up.
* A plethora of resources & agencies willing to assist her in- and post-divorce. I'm only now learning of the dearth of same for men.
I could probably go on....
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