Re:Random Thoughts computerperson: I hear you both...and this is, yet again, another typical adult "there is no right answer" thing.
In my eyes, I never had a chance to think of them as my children because I was never allowed to make any decisions, even small ones, my stbx completely blocked me out of that. It seems as though my stbx believed I was only suppose to do what the 3 of them wanted, never what I thought was the right thing. She wouldn't even give her 8 and 11 year old chores...I still can't believe that...and hollered at me in front of the girls for punishing one of them for a weekend because they left their bike under the car for the 5th or 6th time.
Anyway, I'm sorry that was off-subject and a vent, back to the subject at hand. In my eyes, because of the lack of biological connection, for them to become my children would have taken time and being allowed to parent...the minute that my stbx and I exchanged I do's did not make them my children for the rest of my life.
I would like the girls to know that I'm here any time if they need me, but it's probably easier all around if I just stay away from them. They have enough confusion in their lives, I don't need to add to it. I just thought it might be nice to send them one last gift...
As I said before, no right answer...
Re:Random Thoughts Shanna: Have you two set down and actually explained to them (on their level) what has happened?
Re:Random Thoughts computerperson: Not the both of us, no. She told them on her own schedule, she never included me with anything to do with them in the first place, so I didn't expect her to at the end. I really only had a chance to say to them one time that this had nothing to do with them. They said their Mom talked to them and they know.
Though, in somewhat defense of my stbx on this subject...I did do a few stupid things in the beginning somewhat towards the girls. No, I wasn't mean or anything like that, I was just busy getting our new home ready for us to live in that made me somewhat unavailable for a few months. I was doing what I thought was best for our family and, apparently, it did come across the wrong way to my stbx. Again, I know that's off-subject, but I don't want to be sitting here pointing the finger only at her...I was a knucklehead early on for a few months, but I spent the rest of the time trying to be a husband, parent, maid and helping with anything I could...it was just never accepted.
Re:Random Thoughts RecoveringinDE: Actually, your story really isn't off the subject. If you were not able to discipline them or had any say in their upbringing, you are right, it didn't give you the opportunity to be their "father". Do you know how they felt about you? Did they look to you as a father or as a step-father?
Yes, I think there is a difference. And I'll probably get flamed for it, but, here goes.
A step parent is someone who marries the parent of the child and has no say in their upbringing, discipline, etc.
A father is someone who has the authority of teaching the child right from wrong. This could be biological parent or 2nd/3rd, etc, spouse of the "originating" (for lack of a better word) parent. My bio father had no say pretty much in my upbringing. I viewed him as a friend. My step-father disciplined me, praised me, etc. All the things a parent should do.
If my ex gets married to his OW? His wife will be a step parent because I will have the decisions in my daughters life. She will not. They may be friends and that is fine, but, she will not be my daughters mother. My daughter has a mother, and that is me. If I get married, my husband will be in the same boat. I will not be looking for a father for my daughter, she has one.
Sorry for the long post, but, those are my thoughts.
RiDE
Re:Random Thoughts Shanna: Frideon wants to know....
Did you give them gifts before? If so, send them something small.
Click More for the next page.
