terrible day.. lawyer called--HELP hardened_heart1970: i went to my "anger management" meeting this morning, ans have been commended on how im dealing with the stuff the FSTBXW (TFB..TFB) is doing to the kids and i. the lawyer called and told me her f'in demands. she wants:
1) me to have the kids monday 8 am to wednesday at 5:00 (problem. i work m-f 8-5 but am self employed(my dad owns 1 business. my name is not even on it anywhere) in 2 businesses) i would never see the kids. then she wants me to have them the next week wed 8 am-friday 5 pm. what the hell does she think?
2) alimony... hell she makes more money than me.
3) me to take care of her lawyer fees...
what the hell is she thinking. i have pretty near raised my kids since their birth, and i have them all the time. i cannot go down to 2 nights a week.
what does she care? she has another man, that is a dead beat dad, and it seems to me, that it would be easier for her to give the kids to me, so she can go run around. she had the chance to have the kids tuesday nite, and she told my sister no. what kind of mom does that.
so i guess what i am asking, does anyone know, or can figure out what kind of game shes playing? if she wanted her kids that bad, she would have them on her days off. she leaves them at sitters untill almost 5 then gets them. it seems to me, that she is doing this out of spite, and what pis---es me off, is it is only going to hurt the kids..
also, does anyone know WHY adultery is not considered to hurt the kids? if shes sleeping around, and doesnt want them, in order for her to be with him, isnt that hurting the kids? i cant find much info out, but my lawyer says bringing that up, will hurt us more than help.
ALSO i have to go to court on monday for the restraining order(i have never ever laid 1 finger on her) any idea of whats going to happen then? is the judge going to try to pis$ me off, to see if i have a tempor or something, any help is appreciated.....
p.s. i think i will give her x-mas present early.... i got her a pair of slippers and a vibrator.... figured if she doesnt like the slippers, she can go FU*K HERSELF.....................................
thanks for any and all info. i seem to be going on about stuff, but this is the place that has gotten me by. so i hope it continues.
Re:terrible day.. lawyer called--HELP lifechange: So sorry you are going through this. I am no expert but sounds to me like she is using the kids as bargaining tools. She has something you want. You didn't mention if you have a lawyer. Can't you contest your wife's demand?
As far as the restraining order, was there any altercations that led to police intervention? I thought that in order to get a restraining order against someone a police report had to be filed.
Best of luck....hang in there!
lc
Re:terrible day.. lawyer called--HELP DOK: Cold, hard, legal advice:
Your lawyer is right, adultery is inadmissable. Also bear in mind that if the judge has ever committed adultery in his/her lifetime (big percentage chance that he/she has), then he/she will just get angry if the issue is brought up.
TRO's (temporary restraining orders) are handed out like candy by the courts. There is a presumption of guilt until innocence is proven. Usually they are granted for a period of 6 months to a year.
I don't think she'll get the alimony.
Most states calculate child support based on both parents incomes, and based on the percentage of time the kids spend with each respective parent. Is your stbx trying to get more time with the kids (at least on paper) so she can get more $$$. This is a very real possibility. The courts usually award custody to the parent who is already caring for the children the majority of the time. Is that you? If not, make it so if possible (I know, easier said than done). DO NOT move out of the children's residence, wherever that is; instead convince you stbx that it would be in everyone's best interest if she moved out.
Courts, all things being equal, will usually side with the mother related to issues with the children. (Especially in the more conservative states). That is, if all things are equal. If you can show that you have been the more involved parent, that you spend more time with the kids (qualitative and quantitative), then you've got a chance at getting full custody, or joint custody with the kids spending a bigger part of their lives at your house. If she's using the kids as pawns, don't you do the same. Do what is best for the kids. But in your situation, it sounds like the kids would be better off spending more time with you, and less time with her, while she figures her own little selfish life out.
Accusations of abuse are always taken seriously by the courts and the system. That being said, some estimates are that over 50% of accusations of abuse by one ex-spouse towards another are fabrications. Do not assume, just because you are innocent, that the system will too. You have to prove your innocence if you are accused of abuse. Try to preempt that possibility by having the court appoint a special master or a child advocate to your case......immediately!
DO NOT GIVE IN! DO NOT GIVE UP! DO NOT LET YOUR KIDS SLIP THROUGH YOUR FINGERS. DO NOT ALLOW YOUR EMOTIONAL STATE CLOUD YOUR JUDGEMENT! LET YOUR LAWYER DO THE THINKING IF YOU'RE TOO MESSED UP IN THE HEAD TO DO IT FOR YOURSELF! GET FAMILY HELP AND ADVICE AS WELL! REMEMBER, YOU'LL GET OVER LOSING HER, BUT YOU'LL NEVER GET OVER LOSING YOUR KIDS.
My then-stbx told me lots of lies:
10. "I still love you."
9. "I'll never try to hurt you financially."
8. "I'll never try to turn the kids against you."
7. "I'll never try to replace you as the kids father."
6. "I want you to be happy."
5. "I want you to find someone who will be nice to you."
4. "I won't take you to court to fight about things."
3. "We 'fell' in love, we didn't want this to happen."
2. "We didn't mean to hurt anyone."
and the number 1. lie told to me by my cheating tart-for-a-wife:
1. "We never had sex, we just cuddled."
Remember, past history is the best indicator of future behavior. If she's lied to you in the past, she's probably lying to you now. Act accordingly.
(Sorry to be such a cynical b@stard everyone. Kay, I'll get off my soapbox now.)
Re:terrible day.. lawyer called--HELP hardened_heart1970: thanks everyone. also to DOK, i have read you are very knowledgable, and now i see. heres some more info:
1) i do have a lawyer, and i innitiated the divorce.
2) i found out that she had a friend help her fill out the protection papers, and had talked him into testifying against me in court. i also found out that he figures she is using him, and may no longer testify.
3) is any judge crazy, to over look the fact that i indeed caught me wife, at another mans house? that was my reason for calling her all them wonderful names.... and shouting. i told her that the guy in the car was lucky he WAS my friend or he would be in the hospital. thats where the restraining order came from. i also have figures out, that the order was a scape goat, for her to be able to ma-noo-ver around with/near him without me being able to put his ass in the ER. on another note, i am now beyond the violence aspect of the situation. i cannot get my kids, with an assult charge, and screw her. im not going to chance that, because that is what she wants. i also did not know i married a whore.
4)as far as having the kids, heres my deal:
i had the kids last saturday for 4 hours. i had them sunday day, night and dropped at sitters monday. i then got kids tuesday, because their mother doesnt care about 1 daughters medical needs. but she was asked that night if she wanted the kids, and she said no. i had them tuesday night through now. i am also having them tonite, and i thought the scrout bag would pick them up tommorrow, BUT she just called my sister and said she was going to 120 miles away to shop, and she would pick them up saturday nite around 6:00pm
what kind of mom does that make her? she had monday and tuesday off, and did not spend 1 extra minute with her kids. she acts like she doesnt want the responsibility, BUT when her and the lawyer gets together she wants everything. i have been told to document every single thing, and i am. but in my town of 6000 people there have been 102 filings for divorce this year, and have been told the judge is doing around the 60-75 right now. they figure our date for anything with the kids will be in jan-feb. i just dont understand why she is neglecting the medical needs of our kid, and it should be a cut and dry case, but i know it wont.
thanks everyone........
