a little past 35 cadillacjack: After surfing and looking for answers, I found this wonderful site. I'm a little older than 35, in my 40's But was/am married to a woman who is 35, (so hopefully this lets me land here) who has managed to shatter our childrens lives not mention my own. She is a a chronic pot smoker who just decided to go and "find herself" (and oh yeah, grab a loser boyfriend in the process)
We were together through thick and thin for 20 years and one day she up and pulls the pin. This took shape last April, after a long, lonely and ugly summer of fighting (over the phone and emails) We stopped talking,until one day this past August she asked if she could come to our daughters birthday. I agreed, to make a long story short we got along and a week later she was back in my bed and our lives. I have never stopped loving this women and never really did anything horribly wrong to damage this relationship. However she moved out again this past Saturday.
I work hard have a full time job and a business on the side. I included her in every aspect of my life and spoiled her. She claims there is no passion and that she loves me but not "in love" with me, what ever that means. In the mean time I'm fairly sure that this will end in divorce, the most horrible thing is I have to once again pick up the pieces and keep whats left of our family together. She still tries to contact me But I won't talk to her, she gives mixed signals. Do I wait for her or what? Where do I go from here?
Re:a little past 35 caringmom: Welcome to Ojar!!! Sorry to hear about everything you've gone through. How are your children doing through all of this? Most of us have heard I love you, but I'm not in love with you....ouch that hurts!! The people on this site are great. Keep posting and read other's posts. I've gotten alot of help reading others stories and their experiences.
Have you 2 been to counseling? If not, would she consider that? It sounds like the kids are living with you. What are their ages? Take care of yourself and the kids. Sorry I can't be much help right now. Hopefully I can find time later to come back later to continue.
Re:a little past 35 lostinlife: Welcome! You have found one of the most incredible sites out there and the support that you get from the people here is without a doubt, the best there is.
LiL
Re:a little past 35 seth: My ex left me after seven years April 3 and implied that my smoking pot (I've since quit) was part of the reason she left, though her lesbianism probably was a bigger factor.
The love but not in-love situation is all too common. Unfortunately for me, myl ex didn't have enough "platonic" love for me to prevent her from screwing me out of thousands of dollars and then threatening to (falsely) accuse me of physical abuse to dissuade me from suing her.
My advice is to give up on your wife, as much as it might hurt. I wouldn't follow my own advice either and I had my head up my @ss for years about this. I should have been looking for something on the side while I was with her.... but I was loyal to a fault. Had I done that, I might not be alone tonight, typing this message.
Hedge your bets. Start your search for Other Women, if you haven't already.
Re:a little past 35 cadillacjack: I'm kinda new to chats so I hope I'm replying in the right place, my daughter is 13 and my son is 15. Thankfully, I have a decent income and we live good , not swimming pools and movie stars but good. I have been faithful and attentive all along since our marriage. We lived together for 16 years and were married in 2000, she says we should have never have gotten married, that it helped ruin the relationship. Personally I think the drug use played a huge part.
When we were living together (common law) we sometimes split up for a spell and went seperate ways, sometimes seeing other people but mostly missing each other. We always got back together...
We never split up after the children were born other than for work sometimes. In the last 2 years I was working away from home for 6 months or so yet coming home on weekends. This is kinda where it started to derail. She had lost her job and my home based business wasn't enough to support us so I took a job out of town.
She was left with the kids; it was a disaster. They ran her. In the meantime, she would go down to the legion till all hours of the night letting our kids run wild. I decided to move us closer to my job to keep us together as a family. She lasted 10 days and moved back to the original town. In the process she met this idiot who is roughly 20 years her senior and moved in with him... he had done everything his power to keep us from communicating. Last Saturday, at her request, I moved her to her mothers (who is another chronic pot smoker and also has the worst taste in men, she lived with a convicted child molster until his recent death) .
The only real excuse she had in the week up to her leaving was "there's no passion". I am here to tell you I took care of business in the bedroom. I paid her bills and basically spoiled her. She took her wordly possesions and her Cadillac ( I collect them, hence the handle) Now the thing I'm wondering about is this, has she hooked up again with loserboy or what? Or should I worry about it?
I have reread this and though it seems long winded , hopefully gives some insight as to my lot in life.......
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