Concerned about custody tizzee: I am so scared about what my s2bxh is saying regarding custody arrangements I can't concentrate on much of anything else right now.
A little background info if you already don't know. I am 22, stay at home mother of a 2 year old from the marriage a 3 year old b4 the marriage...now seperated for a month from a 33 year old truck driver. I WANTED the divorce...I have already filed and am waiting for a court date. I have told my s2bxh that we need to reach a settlement so things will go smooth...he agrees... We have a lot of the property issues dealt with since we own several homes as investments, along with that the debt. But he will not, nor will he try to settle on custody arrangements.
My 3 year old is not his child...my 2 year old is. So I know that in my state (IL) that they would not split the 2 of them apart, and since I have sole custody of my 3 year old...my lawyer is 100% sure I would get my 2 year old...and he would get every other weekend and holiday. HOWEVER, I'm not a mean person, and I would like my ex to be able to see his children more often and vise versa. He is a good dad...but the other thing that plays a part in this is his job, he is hardly ever home in the first place. Anyway.....
on the phone the other day he said that he wanted the kids a year at a time, then switch...then he moved it down to 6 months, now its 2 weeks. I still am not going to accept that...but that is the last offer he will give me. I can't agree to that...I have spent 24/7 with my children the last 3 1/2 years. I have suggested a couple different arrangements that he said were not good enough. Such as...Whenever he had hometime with his job, he could come pick up the kids...he took advantage of that saying that he would just take 2 weeks a month off of work. Then I said every other weekend every holiday...but every other holiday I get them on the exact day of the holiday and he'd have to celebrate it b4 or after the actual date...next time I would have to. I can't honestly come up with anything more.
I am hoping some of you could tell me what type of custody and visitation schedules you have so we don't have to continue to fight about this. He has told me he will fight me for as long as it takes to get what he wants because he don't want his kids' thinking that he just "settled" on them. And I am just the opposite....I would prefer not to fight over them. We are both gr8 parents and it is not my desire to fight and take time away from him...but I feel that I would not survive without them for the long periods of times that he is so willing to fight for. I'd be lost w/out them....please help if you can....Thanks...Amy
Re: Concerned about custody RJM: Tizzy,
I am sorry that I don't have an actual custody order filed to share with you...I know that it is different in every state anyway, so it probably wouldn't even be helpful. It is good that you don't want to fight with your stbxh and that you recognize he is a good father. Obviously, it would be better for your children if there isn't a huge battle.
It doesn't really sound like his job is conducive to being the primary care giver for any length of time. Your stbx may not be thinking very clearly now about what is best for the children or how he really can pull off what he says he wants. He is probably hurt that you are leaving him and that he will be alone. I doubt that you two can reach a compromise at this point.
Your attorney is probably right in that you will have full custody for both children if taken to court. You may want to present an offer to your husband that is the fairest one you can think of that you will still be happy with. Let him know that if he doesn't accept that offer that you will just need to leave it in the hands of your attorney, you were hoping to avoid that but you see no alternative. He may chose to fight the battle or he may realize that he doesn't have as much ground to stand on as he thought.
I wish you luck, I know this stuff is hard.
Renee
Re: Concerned about custody tizzee: Thanks Renee for your response. You are right about him being hurt and scared of being alone, he has told me this several times. I am still lost as to what to do. I feel that I have came up with 2 fair offers, considering his job. However, he would rather quit his job or take tons more time off so his job would not matter when it came to visitations. Thanks again Renee, I know that each state has different rules regarding these issues..but I was curious about other people's arrangements that both spouses agreed to, to give me more ideas of how to approach. thanks. :)
Re: Concerned about custody tizzee: Please somebody help me. I am so scared. Yesterday was the worst day since our divorce started by far. I can't deal with it.
My stbxh came to pick up the kids. that's when he told me he dicided to not see my son anymore who is not his biological child. He has raised my son since he was 3 months old though. He took my daughter only, and he did this right in front of my son, who is still heartbroken over this.
I let him in the house while I packed her stuff up, and he asked how many outfits I packed..I told him one..he asked for more. Then after he took off without telling me where he was taking her, and only telling me that he'd be back sometime sunday night or monday, and that he was planning on keeping her until he had to bring her back....he called me a few minutes later...and asked if we were ok...and then he said..."how would you like it if I stripped away the kids from you". I started putting everything together...asking for more clothes, not taking my son, not telling me where he was going, or when exactly he'd return. I chose to drive around for several hours last night to find them at a hotel. I went through every hotel parking lot in 3 towns. I started at 6 pm and ended a little after midnight. They are nowhere to be found. He don't have much of a family to call...just his mom, but she is a paranoid schizophrenic. She is not capable of much. His cell is now off. My friends are encouraging me just to keep myself calm for my son's sake because he is hurting in all this too. The police won't do anything because he is her dad...and he has rights too. They will though if I don't hear from him. But the time he can take her is up to 14 days to be charged with parental kidnapping. I know that she is safe...he wouldn't hurt her...but I just need to know where she is and that she is alright. Please if anyone has any thought...I'd appreciate it...I am sinking here...I don't know what to do. A part of me is missing...I am so scared.
Re: Concerned about custody RJM: Tizzee,
Go see an attorney right away...get a temporary parenting plan filed ASAP. It won't do much good right now, but if and when you get your daughter back, it will help your legal rights in the future so you don't have this 14 day waiting period. I hope you have heard from your husband by now....I can't even imagine how you are feeling. I don't know what you can do right now, without assistance from the police, but an attorney may be able to point you in the right direction.
Renee
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