Angry child hobbescot: Me and the wife signed our separation papers Wednesday. It was my decision to leave. In a nutshell, I blame both of us. But that's beside the point. The reason I'm writing .. there is a child involved. He is 6. He is staying with her and is having a very hard time with all of this. He's either hot or cold; one time he tells me he loves me, the next he tells me he hates me and not to come back. He's the same way with her. I know he's little and is going through a lot. I just wonder if he'll be able to get past this. It worries me that he's like this. Is there anyone out there who's had the same problem? I hope it's just a phase.
Thanks!
Scot
Re: Angry child wendymac2002: Scott-
Although I can't handle my own problems ;) This is one area where I'm an "expert". I'm an elementary school counselor, and see kids an a daily basis whose parents are going through this. This is completely normal behavior for a 6 year old. The best advice I can give you is be consistent. Try to keep his schedule the same wherever possible. If bedtime is 8:00 at mom's ...it's 8:00 at your house. If you always went fishing on Saturday afternoon...keep doing that. He needs to get the message that you still love him and that your relationship with him is not going to change. Children at this age need stability...(yeah right, and how do you provide that when you're going through this?) I know it's getting to be the end of the school year, but if his school has a counselor, try to make an appointment for him...sometimes jst one or two sessions can work "miracles". It is just a phase...he's grieving jsut like you are and has to work through it as well. Be patient with him. Don't get upset when he gets angry with you. Tell him, "i understand that you are angry, but Daddy loves you. I know you feel like you don't want me to come back, but I still want to see you, I'll be back on Saturday morning." The more stable you are in his presence...the better off he'll be. Hope this helps! Wendy
Re: Angry child hobbescot: Wendy,
Thanks for the advice. I am doing everything you said .. I am trying to be consistent. Today is his last day at school, so school counseling is out for now. I go over once during the week and spend time with him at night and I'm also trying to get weekend time with him as much as possible. He is fine while I am with him, but it doesn't take much to set him off. It's just a difficult situation for all of us to handle .. and he's the one in the middle.
S...
Re: Angry child drywallputeruper: hi scott ,iam kind of going through the same thing with my 3 year old .he says he hates me ,then he loves me .on my days with him i try really hard not to get upset about this .he hears stuff my wife says and i know he loves me,as does your son.
your boy may feel its his fault some way.tell him it is not and these choices were made by you two.its very hard to deal with the loss of your family unit.my parents were divorced when i was 7 and i still havent recovered fully from this.
unlike my wife i dont want a divorce and still love her very much .she has been sleeping with one of my friends but i cant seem to let go of the feelings of love for her.this may sound crazy but i had such a rough time losing my dad and mom being together i dont wish that on any child.i have been seperated about 45 days .my son asks when can me you and mama go home.hes only 3 and doesnt understand any of this .
Its very difficult trying to explain .
just try to be there for him with his questions and answer honestly.my mom shielded me from what was happening and it pretty much made me more confused.
If there is any chance of you and your wife to get back together think about it.marriage is fragile you have to take it one day at a time.
Re: Angry child totallyconfused: As a child of divorce at a young age, I think the most important thing is communication. Yes, routine is good, but you need to talk to him. AND let him talk to you. Let him get his feelings out - and NEVER, NEVER tell him his feelings aren't valid. Let him hate you and the ex for a while, it's not forever. He's hurting as much as you, he just doesn't know how to express it.
Now, he totally feels like his whole world is out of control (go figure!). Give him some choices (little kid choices, obviously). Ask him where he'd like to go for dinner and go there without complaining. Ask him what game he'd like to play and play it withouth complaining. Give him control over something. And hug him, hug him, hug him.
Of course I was a little girl and this is all my opinion, but I hope it helps.
TC
Click More for the next page.
