The "Defining" Moment barelybreathing: When I listen to divorced people's stories, they often talk about "the defining moment" for them when they realized it was time to close the door on the relationship completely. Close the door on the emotions, all hope and any chance. It would be a particuliar act, a random conversation or something so minor. But it was enough for it to stand out in their mind and confirm why the relationship was permanently over. For example, these are ones I have heard:
1. Borrowing your truck and returning it with clods of mud all over the interior from taking it to the lake for a day of fun and fishing.
2. Coming by the house to pick of some of their remaining possessions and finding that they had cooked a full course meal and left dirty dishes in the sink.
3. Taking their new girlfriend to go see one of your favorite singers of all time.
4. Failing to come by and pick up the kids so you can make it to your once a week yoga de-stresser class.
5. Not calling to offer their condolences/support when your parokeet died.
6. Losing alot of weight far too quickly from all the stress of the separation/divorce and your s2bx saying, "you look the best I have seen you look in years."
These seem like such minor incidents but for the people who experienced it, it was their final straw that made them break.....
I would like to hear from the ojar members who can recant their own defining moment......
BB
Re: The "Defining" Moment justmenow: My defining moment was when he left on a business trip for four days and I barely noticed he was gone. I didn't even miss him. As a matter of fact, I was glad he was gone. That was the weekend I decided to file for divorce (that and he couldn't promise me he'd stay faithful during the separation). B@stard. I still hate him for that.
Re: The "Defining" Moment achingallover: I am desperately waiting for that defining moment, as I still haven't got it yet.
Re: The dave13: I must admit I haven't thought too much about that moment. It is depressing enough and I often find that people don't always like to hear about that point in my life. Even though I still struggle with depression, I am past this and feel fine talking about it. So sorry if this is too much for some people.
It was after I returned to the states for a bit and found out about some of the things she had done. That night when I was going to finish it and went crazy with the emails and such... sometimes passing out and throwing up saves lives. :-[ The next day, relatively sober and sitting out in the backyard, I had the pistol to my head. :-[ :-[ I sat there for a minute, just shook my head, and said "I can't do this anymore." Then I wondered why I had been wasting my time focused on and chasing someone like that.
So I walked away from that, sucked it up, and told her what I had been doing. That was it. I was through with her and I was through trying to hurt myself.
Re: The "Defining" Moment notmyself: i don't know if there was just one, more like a series of small moments. i knew the moment that he walked out the door, regardless of what he was telling me, that he would never come back home; i knew even as my heart was breaking weeks later with him on the phone telling me that he was going to this bar or that one as i sat home crying i could never be with him again; i knew when i asked him if he was ever coming home, asked about our marriage vows and he got mad and asked me what did i want 'the rest of his life' that everything was forever changed and i could never go back. even as he sat across from me at the burger king weeks later, just to talk, i knew that as my heart was still aching and my pain still so real, that i would rather feel that pain forever that ever be with him again. that i would rather be alone, than to give myself up to be with him. i knew that i could never go back to where i was when that thought of him touching me made my skin crawl. all of these little epiphanies adding up to me being single and being without the person i thought i would spend the rest of my life with. but i will be fine, i am fine... it will just take time.
Click More for the next page.
