Timely Advice wanted for dealing with crisis. Puppetonastring: As of 3 months ago, my ex left me and our 2 sons for another much younger man of 22. She just turned 31.
I have had the children in my posssession for the majorirty of the 3 months and she would pick them up a couple of days a week. I wanted to shield the children from everything that was happening around them by keeping them occupied with fun activities and lots of love. As of last week, I found out that my ex went down to apply for public assistance and what they told her in order to get benefits for the kids, she would have to have the kids in her possession 50% of the time. So what did she do, she came and took the kids away from me. To make things worse , I am 4 months behind on our mortgage and have asked her repeatedly to sign over the house. She never did that and nor did I expect her to. After all she took my car and several thousand dollars out of my bank accounts. Now I have a new car and have been looking for another place resigning to the fact she is not going to quit claim the house. Nopw that I am thinking about it, it has been a little over a week since I have seen the boys. I have gone to my six year old's school to see him briefly and it brakes my heart to see he is hurting and is being affected by circumstances. This is the longest I have been away from the boys. The aweful part about all of this is that even though I want soo much to be with them and miss them to death that it is hurting my soul, I have to find a place to live before my house goes into foreclosure. To make things even worse I came home to find a uhaul in my driveway, my ex's boyffriend and his friend in the drive way. I got out of my car and calmy warned them about tresspassing. I then asked who was in the backyard and they said it was my ex. As I opened the door to the house, I heard glass shatter. Turns out she used a little hammer to break the glass so she could get into the house. I then ignored her and called the police asap. My ex said the police officer was right around the corner, and I told her I want my own police, so I contniued to request that more officers come to the scene. I was soo confused as to why the first officer was allowing this to go on all the while my ex was just grabbing anything she could get her hands on. I asked why are you letting them take whatever they want??? His tune immediately changed when another backup officer and a sergent showed up. Once the sarge was on the scene , he gave my ex 5 minutes to get the neccessary items for the kids which I agreed to let her take much earlier in the day. She tried to say she was only coming by for the kid's beds, but in less than 10 minutes, they had my new sofa , loveseat and coffee table in the uhaul. I was kinda prepared for her to make a try for the sofa , so I produced the receipt with my name on it, and the officer made her get it off the uhaul along with the table. Her boyfirend was pissed. I told him since he was now taking care of her , to be a man and get his own stuff instead of leaching off not only my sloppy seconds of an ex-wife, but also my material possessions. He didn't care for that comment. So now, I need a place to live, need to set-up something so I do not get screwed with the kids and the house is my last concern. Anyone reading this, feel free to chime in with a strategy according to what should be taken care of first. With so many things on the table, I want to be sure I tackel them in the right order. Thank you in advance.
Re:Timely Advice wanted for dealing with crisis. OldSchool: Sorry you're going thru this. So far I'd keep on doing what you have been... maintaining a front in her presence and not backing down. All the material things she decided to scrape from you can be claimed back when you file for divorce. If you still feel this can be worked on then that's another thing. It sounds as though she's made up her mind.
I'd be very blunt with her as far as the mortgage goes, and plead to her that she needs to have shelter for her kids. Gosh, she sounds like she's just caught up in some kind of fantasy land. Dude, just hang in there. I don't know what else to say, but I hope she at least helps you out with the f***n mortgage.... she does owe you that much.
OS
Re:Timely Advice wanted for dealing with crisis. Matt: omfg..
As far as the local police are concerned:
The officer allowing her to break a window with a hammer to gain access to the property is way out of line and criminal in my opinion.. Even with a locksmith I would say its still way out of line... Your window was broken under their authority. THEY need to get it fixed on their dime.. Jeysus, have they ever heard of civil rights? Allowing her to remove property from the home without you there? whaaaa? No way, not cool, not ever...
"sure lady, break out the window take what you want.."
Nazi germany ring a bell?
I would promptly call an attorney and get a consultation about all that nonsense and see if you have grounds to sue the police department and the city ... Really... And if the atty says you have a case I would paste them right in the eye legally with a law suit that will water their eyes....
I would also phone the city attorneys office, the mayor's office, and Internal Affairs of the police department and raise bloody hell about it!! what an outrage... I would also call the local press and tell them the story....
Sorry, but I am furious on your behalf... >:(
Re:Timely Advice wanted for dealing with crisis. cloud: I recommend that you read up on what your rights are in regards to this situation, the house, kids, etc. and consult a lawyer--even if it's free legal help offered through some community service.
I would also document everything and anything that she is doing or taking, so you have a record--including the police report from the incident at the house.
The fact that she's 31 and her new bf is 21 is a little alarming. He obviously isn't going to be in the picture long term. For your kid's sake, it would be unfortunate if they developed any attachments to him.
Best of luck. All I can say is that don't give up anything to your ex because it sounds like she'd take you for all you've got if she had the oppty.
Re:Timely Advice wanted for dealing with crisis. cadillacjack: Here's what I did, after first 3 months of fighting with my stbxw, I consulted a lawyer who was gracious enough to talk to me for an hour or so (free) and I also contacted children's social services who were helpful in ensuring the kids were dealing with the pressures of their mother's abandonment of them. They were quick to point out the fast way of applying for custody and child support from their mother. Most city court houses (in Canada anyways) have a family court liason officer or a friendly clerk, at least, to help the layman. Probably any single dad on this site can tell you the long sharp teeth child maintenance enforcement has (especially here in Alberta). I had her served by a process server ($60.00) and we went to court. I won hands down in both cases.
Do I feel better that I did it? No at all, but it is not about me, it's about the kids. When she was here and before she stopped loving me or whatever, she contributed financially etc. When she left, she took that with her. All this does by her paying ( albeit a fraction of what it should be) is ensure that the lifestyle of these kids doesn't diminish; however the mental toll on them is probably immeasurable.
Although I don't know you're whole story of your marriage breakdown, it sounds to me that she is heading down a dark trail. It is you're duty, sir, to ensure the safety and stableness of those kids. They need their father not some 21 year old loser whose mission is sex, drugs and your wife. Let me know if I can help. IM me or I am on AIM lottsa times too. Good luck. We're pulling for you.
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