Re:insecurities favoriteangel2003: Tossed,
Read lots of self help books...they are very insightful and will give you tips on how to become a stronger person as well as why we pick the losers we pick. I have a strong feeling it goes back to how we were raised and issues we had to deal with growing up could be some other very good reasons why we get stuck in these bad situations. Check it out! Knowledge is power. Do things that make you feel good about yourself... Meet good quality people that make you feel good about yourself and KEEP POSTING!!!
Re:insecurities whathef?: FA,
From what I've learned through this journey is that your "feeling" about this being from the way we were raised, IS the only explaination for why we or spouses do what we do.
How many times do we see the paterns of the parents repeated by their children.
Some choose to learn leesons, such as siblings who have done things differently, but if we don't learn the lessons, we are bound to keep making the same mistakes until we do.
This explanation goes a LONG way in dealing with the emotions of a break-up.
When we understand why we or they do what we do, the understanding of that alone releives some of the anger and hatred some of us feel.
Take a look at your childhood and SEE the lessons that we learned about marriage from about the age of 2 or 3.
It's those lessons and beliefs that we take for a "test drive" in our own lives.
I've crashed and burned twice so far.
I now know what it was about ME that attracted me to the women I chose.
Proof of this being the case is that any therapist worth their salt will not spend a whole heck of alot of time on the other person, but most of it is spent dealing with our own issues and why we allowed what happened to happen.
Re:insecurities Kinney26: I have had major insecurities in the past. I have worked very hard on myself since the wife left and I feel very good about myself these days. The biggest thing is to recognize your insecurities so when they start to creep in you know it is coming and you can b!tch slap them to the back of your head. I found out the hard way how much insecurities can destroy a relationship. It is very important to find a way to control them because if you can't it will be very hard to sustain a healthy relationship.
Re:insecurities legionuvdoom: I"m not really trying to give advice, being that i'm an insecure dude with low self esteem. I think that i could definately improve on some things. But I doubt I will ever be too confidant. I can't change certain things, which will always bother me. But try to remember something, ur self esteem is something you should try to build, but don't necessarily blame yourself for any relationships that don't work out. Yeah I wonder, if i'm alone now because i was insecure, but i really believe my ex has her own issues that i could never fix for her, if she didn't want to even face her problems. Not that i could fix them for her, but i could be there for support. She seems to like being treated like shit, which would indicate, she has low self esteem. I think it has something to do with that her dad bounced when she was born, even though that might just be a stereotype.
My point is that no matter how at peace you are with yourself, others are f ed up, so there are no gaurantees in any relationship. Not that that makes me feel better, or that there's any hope, i just wanted to make that point.
