Re:Warning Signs? in_search_of: I think that FavoriteAngel has it right, when I was talking to my dad one day, I mentioned that there were so many warning signs that I had ignored, and he said that he knew it was not going to last, but he had to hope for the best, so of course I asked him why he didn't tell me that. And his answer, of course, was, well, you wouldn't have listened. And I think that as much as I respect my dad, I would have at least given it some thought. Who knows though.
There are always warning signs that make a relationship look like its not going to work. And I think that is true of even relationships that last forever. My grandparents, who were married for 52 years, had signs at times that their relationship was not going to work. I think its what both of you are willing to do in regards to those signs that are important.
Re:Warning Signs? browngreen: ISO-
You are so right about all couples having "warning signs".
When I talk to my mom and dad about my M and the problems we are having (control issues mostly, and other symptoms that exacerbate them, like tempers and violence), she and my dad listen and a lot of times they say "Sounds familiar to us" as if our problems are really pretty garden variety.
It's all in the way you look at things and what your limit of how much you will deal with is.
I see our problems as something we can get through, as a learning curve, and as temporary-- I mean, my parents survived similar issues and have been thriving since before I was born. But, my H sees them as major traumas. And so they are.
But to me, I know that years from now I can look back and say "That was really hard, and Whew, I'm glad it's over. So glad we hung in there, Honey." But to him he sees it as exit signs.
But, he is coming around to not letting our problems define us-- whch is what I think couples have to do. Deal with them, one at a time, but don't let them define what you are to each other.
My folks have been married 52 years too. My H's parents aren't married to each other, but live together with seperate bedrooms. Neither of our parents has given up, and both sets have had some very strong adversities. They might not be in their "Dream come true" relationship... tho.
And this is where my own jury is still out.
I know we can get through this, but would it be better to end it so that I can have the opportunity to get exactly what I want?
What does that say about me if I were to do that?
BG
