The Jealousy Paradox tara: 1. I know I absolutely do not want a joined-at-the-hip type relationship right now. I am very happy that my Rebound Guy is a couple hours away, because I am so not ready to be "part of a couple" and I could see myself doing that very easily, were he here, as it is a comfortable pattern (and, my god is he an excellent kisser and it's absolutely wonderful to wake up in his arms, but anyhow).
Overall, I'm happy that I can walk to the coffee shop at 9:30 at night on a Tuesday and not have to care if anyone is worried about me or if I will wake someone who has to work at 6 a.m., when I come home. I like living alone, which is something I've never done before. My writing (I am a trade journalist by day, essayist by night) has never been better. I'm doing well and enjoying my freedom.
2. That said...I am insanely jealous of my STBX's relationship, NOT because I want to be the one he's cuddling up with at night (we're well past that stage), but because, well, he gets to do it every day with someone and for me, it's once every couple of weeks. He and his new GF (*NOT* an OW in the traditional sense -- he waited until we'd separated) also can have sex whenever they feel like it, and whereas I could theoretically hook up with someone new at a bar every night if I wanted, I don't want to, so I wait for my trips out of town. And, darn it, I'm nearing 30 and have the hormones to match. (Isn't it amazing how many of us are in the same boat -- we lose our regular sex partners right when the hormones start kicking in? Anyhow.)
Is this just a grass-is-greener thing? Why am I jealous of something I know is utterly wrong for me now? I wonder, if I asked him, if he'd say he's at least somewhat jealous of my freedom (I'm not going to ask).
Re:The Jealousy Paradox jason_stl: Maybe it wouldn't be bad for you to have what your ex has? I don't know where you are emotionally, but you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. What harm could it do to try and move the relationship to one that you would benefit from on a daily basis?
Re:The Jealousy Paradox tara: Thanks for your reply, Jake...no, for me, I very much am not ready for a day-to-day relationship. I suppose what I am missing is the regular physical contact with someone, moreso than the regular plain old companionship. (I do have many friends and interests to keep me busy on that front.)
Re:The Jealousy Paradox tara: [quote author=Medusa link=board=6;threadid=6019;start=0#msg48023 date=1102767043">
girl, I hear you.
freedom + reliable safe sex = happy
[/quote">
Exactly. I've come to realize just how much I hate condoms, but, right now, it's that or celibacy (I was a child of the 80s, and sex is supposed to kill me, right?).
Re:The Jealousy Paradox in_search_of: [quote"> (I was a child of the 80s, and sex is supposed to kill me, right?).[/quote">
That is so true, age brackets before the 80's I think, don't necessarily have that fear of sex that was instilled in us at school, at home, and one TV. I mean, how many HIV specials did you watch in school???
(Hell, I don't even know what sex would be like without a condom, we always used one, even when married, because my ex was so paranoid about me getting pregnant...so it was the pill and a condom....)
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