Re:What keeps you connected? RecoveringinDE: What keeps my ex and I connected is our daughter and support checks that he transfers to the joint acct that we still have open solely for that purpose.
Re:What keeps you connected? favoriteangel2003: Not wanting to accept the truth that maybe he really doesn't love you the way you love him :(.... Maybe it was never meant to be.
Of course, children....
And if you can love him enough in the right ways than maybe he will catch on when it come to loving you the right ways....
So maybe what it really boils down to is truth and pain.... :(
Good question.....I am going to think about it some more.
Angel :)
Re:What keeps you connected? WhyNow: Part 1: I'd say in my case of a long term relationship (12 years) that it's the memories that are kicked in by seeing, smelling, tasting, hearing something that brings thoughts back to that of your former partner. At least I have that, knowing that she will think of me (even if it is unvoluntarily) when those senses kick in, and they will... especially after the negativity which she is spewing out now fades away.
Like the song goes: There is always something there to remind me.
Part 2: Simply put: Am I crazy??
Here's wishing everyone a great day with at least one step forward on our paths returning us to happiness.
Re:What keeps you connected? browngreen: You know, if we get divorced, there will be no reason to talk to each other, except to be "friendly". I can see him feeling lonely and calling up and then when I answer realizing he doesn't know what to say anymore. I mean, here we'll be: two peple who used to know eachother but can have no claim on each other past the "someone I used to know". I imagine him coming to this realization that he no longer knows me, and he'll and up asking about the dog, and I'll tell him she's fine. I'll ask about his cat, and he'll say he's getting old. There will be silence, and to break it, I'll elaborate about the dog. Maybe say what hikes we've done with her recently, and how much she liked them.
It will be warm, polite, like strangers at the bus stop who are sharing a talk about the weather.
But connection?
I can't for the life of me see the point in keeping one if we get divorced. Sometimes that thought makes me sad, because it's not out of meanness that I feel that way. It just is what is. I'll have nothing to say. We won't have to care, and actually caring is too much for two people who are disolving their connection.
I have really clear boundaries about this. He doesn't. To me, once I break up with a person and I find peace, there is no going back. There can be meaningful conversation, but only once or twice a year for further closure.
To him, he thinks we know each other so well, it's a shame to just drop each other as friends.... but I can't see that working. Maybe I'm not thinking outside the box, but I can only see that as a lot of grey area ambiguousness I don't need complicating my life.
If we turn out to be friends someday, if we can meet again as two new people, it would be beautiful. But if not, there's nothong we can do. Neither of us is put on the planet to make the other happy. and havnig a friendship I have to work on so strenously sounds like a marriage without the rewards of being married.
I'll always remember him tho. And any time I go someplace beautiful I'll think about him. WHen I finally start doing marathons I'll have lots of conversations with him in my head about that, most likely. But I know I won't have the option of picking up the phnoe to share it with him. I would rather remember what was and love him in my memory.
Besides, I''ll be too busy!
So, the answer from penthouse was what? I'm curious now!
Re:What keeps you connected? cadillacjack: [quote"> I'll have lots of conversations with him in my head about that, most likely.[/quote">
WoW! Maybe I'm not nuts, fact is I have conversations with her all the time especailly when I'm drivng. This Christmas is going to be hard for (many) of us. Mostly on the kids, this is the first year in their lives (they are 13 and 15 years old) and she will not be involved with cooking, the shopping, the decorating etc...and man, do I b!tch her out for that in my head!
The answer to part 2 is "When will the hurting stop?"
I read that article 20 or more years ago and remember it clearly... and there is still no definitive answer. Maybe a pill someday?
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