Re:I just left after attempted sex with stbxw in_search_of: I have to agree, that her choice of words is a bit fishy. I also think that it sounds almost threatening, if you don't do it, then I will just get it hard, and on and on....
Re:I just left after attempted sex with stbxw browngreen: I must be from mars because getting pregnant didn't occur to me at all, and I still think that is too Soap Opera for real life, but maybe it really does happen. I dunno.
To me, it sounded like she wants to TRY and be different. Like she was away and thought about things and came up with this forceful seductress bit because she heard some where that men like it. Like she wanted to play a cat and mouse game hoping it would get her (and you) in the mood.
Or hoping that she could become an un-fish by warming up with some racy dialog that didn't come out right due to lack of skill.
But I don't know her or you. Maybe she really is that manipulative. Did she ever act that feindish before?
It's too bad she doesnt' enjoy sex since most men really do. Possibly, she does need another way to keep you-- like before when you were dependent on her. But getting pregnant is a bit extreme in my tastes.
Would you put it past her?
Anyway, I used to have trouble turning my H on. The first man I ever met who didn't like me to seduce him ...and I was his wife.
I didn't know WHAT to think about that. I felt so inferior and frustrated because this was a problem I thought *I'd* never encounter.
It's not a problem now-- we worked through it. It was him being a control freak weirdo and not liking to give me any... not even a little control... not even for sex.
He felt powerless, as if he was under my spell, and didn't like it.
I'm glad he grew out of that becuase it really sucked, and I was tired of having sex HIS way all the time. I really needed something new, some of my own input was needed for me to feel like part of OUR sex life. Even tho he usually pleased me, it was always about him. He could hvae had the same sex with anyone.
But what I'm trying to say is that in the meantime, I had to try a bunch of different approaches to seduce him. I tried demure and dumb, tried 91/2 weeks style come on's, tried just groping him like we're both men, tried being aggressive and pointedly goal-oriented, tried talking dirty, tried visual images, tried reading racey material to him, tried telling him how sexy he is, I think at one point I begged, and at another point, I acted hard to get.
It was a all a game, and I knew nothing I did would work until he changed.
To me, it just sounds like your wife recognizes the problem is with her, and she's being to herself what I was doing to my husband-- trying to coax a sensuousness into existence.
The mind cannot change the mind, tho. Real change has to take place for the mind to change.
I guess poeple change for real when they have to.
Anyway, just my 2 cents.
BG
Re:I just left after attempted sex with stbxw Daniel: Sorry for the excessive details. I'd edited out alot of the original graphic details, but left the rest in because I felt the need for myself to relive it. Sorry if I disturbed anyone.
She was not trying to talk dirty or something like that. It was more like attempted spousal rape. I felt threatened and feared for what might happen, so I needed to get out of there and find a safe place. I feel mad and ashamed at the same time. Usually you'd expect the guy to be the aggressor, but there's always an exception.
The pregnancy thing might be correct. She said that she just wanted me to do it for her, and that I could forget anything about making children. She's been off birth control for a long time, and she said I could use a condom. But that if I didn't, then she would go ahead and do it without one. I thought that maybe it could have been a closure thing, but a last desperate grasp to hold things together by getting pregnant makes more sense. We'd had discussions in the past where I admitted I'd stay in any relationship and sacrifice anything for my children. Also her green card is under review, and any " significant change in circumstance" would allow it to be decided one way or the other. Being the mother of a US citizen would definitely be a big plus for her.
I need to go back to the house and pick some stuff up. I hope she's not there. I've got my meds and a laptop with me, but at a minimum I need my security pass so I can goto work tomorrow. I'd already moved most of my valuables out of the house, because I wasn't sure how she would react when she got back from her trip. She wanted to know where my motorcycle was, so I told her it had broke and is in the shop being repaired. Stuff like that.
At least my mind is now clear, and those lingering feelings and doubts are now gone.
-Daniel
Re:I just left after attempted sex with stbxw devochic: I did something similar to my STBX. We hadn't made love in a really long time. I pressured him. I felt as if I was losing him. There was no want of pregnancy. I REPEAT NO WANT OF PREGNANCY. I just had the hope that some action might bring him closer to me. (Even though he had been the one to pull away)
I was grasping at straws. And lost him anyway.
Just my two cents.
Re:I just left after attempted sex with stbxw Suddenly Single: Daniel -
Do not apologize for your post. You warned people of the nature so BOO to them if they didn't take the warning. I think it is not that cool to read that....continue reading and then bash the poster. Sort of rude. You were warned guys.
Secondly, I did not find anything in that post that was out of line or too detailed.
SS
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