Re:What do I do? favoriteangel2003: I think it depends on what was done to them...it was never posted....was it infidelity? If it was...that explains it all. It's hard to get over that and trust again. Like I said you never explained what you did to cause the mistrust in these relationships. It's hard to give an answer to part of a story.
Angel :)
Re:What do I do? devochic: My ex is in your situation. I am your ex. We had difficult things arise in our marriage and both of us did not know how to deal with them well. (Shot-gun wedding, miscarriage, job changes, moving, etc) In the end he had an emotional affair. It may have been physical, but only now am I believing him that it wasn't. (despite what two therapists, including our marriage counselor said)
He admits he did not react well to various things, but he still sees his friend. He does not believe he has done anything wrong to lose her or anything to justify him giving up that friendship.
This is were the problem lies. As a woman, cheating doesn't mean sleeping together. Cheating means doing something that threatens the security of the marriage. And an emotional affair stings much greater than a physical one. She threatened the security of my marriage. And for me to feel safe and to open up again and work on the marriage, he needs to give her up and recognize the issue. Since he does not recognise the root issue, he is at great risk of doing it again (even if he does give her up).
Alas I digress. You need to talk to your wife and get counseling. Words are worthless. You need to SHOW her you you are trustworthy. SHOW her you are less selfish. SHOW her you will no longer hurt her. Actions are louder than words. And once one is hurt, you have to try extra hard to show them you have learned.
As a woman escaping a bad situation, WORDS ARE WORTHLESS. ACTIONS ARE EVERYTHING.
Sorry for the rant. Still bitter and recovering.
And once trust is broken (for whatever reasons, it is very difficult to regain).
Re:What do I do? MadorSad: Devo is right on the mark with her take :) There is no pill that will make her trust. If you are here the best you can do is SHOW her that you mean it and give her as much space as posible trust me on this the more you push the faster she will run......
Not much help but you are not alone.
MoS
Re:What do I do? devochic: The three R's.....
Remorse- Be remoresful for what you have done. Do not just recognize what you did, understand it was wrong and understand how/why it hurt her. Not just that it hurt her.
Restitution- Your ex will be angry. She will jab at you and try to hurt you. She secretly wants you to hurt as she has. Allow this. Be calm and nice, eventually she will simmer (at least I have, but I still attack more than I would like to admit).
Rehabilitation- Work on you. See a therapist - by yourself. This speaks highly. And it will help you. Work on not only recognize the bad actions, but how to remove them from your life.
Request for Forgiveness- Once you have done the above three and shown to her you are ready to move forward in a righteous way, request forgiveness.
An overview of something powerful I read. Still waiting for my STBX to hit stage one. (Although he is going through steps 2, 3, and 4).
Re:What do I do? istherehope?: I work odd hours becoues I own my own Co. and before that I was a PM at other Co,'s. When we got married I was Very into God and I let my selfishness and pride do alot of damage. I had resentment to her becouse I thought she wasn't really in love with me. She pulled away from me and I started to do the same thing. I thought that I tryed but I know that I did'nt do what I should have. I did go to her and admit to her what I had been doing to her and asked for forgivness. She told me that she does not beleave me. I don't blame her. If I could just show her and then she would see. I have been going back to church and doing ALOT of praying. I will never go down that road again. I just hope that it's not to late for us. I have seen our pastor and I will see him on Wendsday. He has showed me alot of things that I did not see. I truely have changed forever. I just hope she will give me another chance to see that she is my sole mate.
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