Re:kids don't know any suggestions on the "talk" amola: [quote author=SanD link=board=10;threadid=6076;start=0#msg48385 date=1102923036">
My STBXH and i are trying to be friends and we want to be good co parents. [/quote">
ok, this is where my stbx and i are....he is living in the same town, about a mile or so away. we have worked out 50/50 custody with the kids, so we each have them half the time. what we are doing (and we're still in the process of this, but it's working so far) is making sure that the kids have enough "stuff" (toys, clothes, toiletries, etc) at both houses so that they don't have to pack a bag to go to either place. they have two homes.
we also don't use the word "visit" with them ever....they don't go visit dad or go visit mom--they go home with dad or they go home with mom. it's semantics, i know, but it helps. they have adjusted to it very well, for the most part, and have even started to like the idea of having two homes.
it's hard to get used to, but if you can keep it friendly, do it. never badmouth their dad to them, as hard as it may be--you will find yourself biting your tongue often (and quite hard, i might add) but it will be better in the end. i know that my stbx badmouths me occasionally, and i don't even defend myself to them. i just tell the kids that it is his opinion and ask them what they think. we discuss alot of things (my girls are 5 and 3 1/2, then we have a 7 month old son).
good luck, and hang in there!
Re:kids don't know any suggestions on the "talk" bill72: [quote author=amola link=board=10;threadid=6076;start=0#msg51087 date=1104044223">
[quote author=SanD link=board=10;threadid=6076;start=0#msg48385 date=1102923036">
My STBXH and i are trying to be friends and we want to be good co parents. [/quote">
ok, this is where my stbx and i are....he is living in the same town, about a mile or so away. we have worked out 50/50 custody with the kids, so we each have them half the time. what we are doing (and we're still in the process of this, but it's working so far) is making sure that the kids have enough "stuff" (toys, clothes, toiletries, etc) at both houses so that they don't have to pack a bag to go to either place. they have two homes.
we also don't use the word "visit" with them ever....they don't go visit dad or go visit mom--they go home with dad or they go home with mom. it's semantics, i know, but it helps. they have adjusted to it very well, for the most part, and have even started to like the idea of having two homes.
it's hard to get used to, but if you can keep it friendly, do it. never badmouth their dad to them, as hard as it may be--you will find yourself biting your tongue often (and quite hard, i might add) but it will be better in the end. i know that my stbx badmouths me occasionally, and i don't even defend myself to them. i just tell the kids that it is his opinion and ask them what they think. we discuss alot of things (my girls are 5 and 3 1/2, then we have a 7 month old son).
good luck, and hang in there!
[/quote">
First post. I like this idea, but feel it locks me into not moving on with my life. my wife has always had the sweet deal of having a husband who only wants to be a good dad. I'm very stuck.
Re:kids don't know any suggestions on the "talk" amola: bill...
although our divorce was just final on friday, i imagine that it is going to be harder to move on since i have to deal with him virtually every day. but, it keeps the kids happy at this point, and they are the most important things!
there are different versions of the 50/50 custody deal....maybe one will work in your situation?
good luck!
Re:kids don't know any suggestions on the "talk" ambergem: Hi bill...
I agree with amola - its really really hard to move on with your life when your stbx-whatever is always around in some form or another.
And by the way...being a good dad is a sweet deal for your kids...forget the ex.
Lisa
Re:kids don't know any suggestions on the "talk" azhippie: Be gentle and be honest. Depending on their age, kids have a funny way of knowing things that you haven't told them yet. They'll have their own way of dealing with it, you just have to be there to steer them in the right direction; toward healthy ways of expressing themselves, instead of blaming themselves or taking advantage of the situation. Be there for them, because if you aren't, the wrong person might be.
