Response to Michael's Article and Seperate Unrelated Vent LSFool:
Hello.
Very long time, no write.
This article is not very different in theory to my infamous “Female Chimpanzee Have Got It Right” mating criterion posting that I took such a beating for.
My idea behind it being that women marry men who they feel will be the strongest providers for their young, and who possess the most sexual prowess.
I agree with this article. I don't want to be with a man who isn't stronger than me, or who isn't a better provider than me. (Especially considering that we make 76 cents to the man's dollar)
After financially supporting a man who had no problems living off of me financially, asking me for money, and even stealing blank checks out of the middle of my unopened and not yet started checkbooks (from the middle of the box), I started to re-think the process of how to choose a mate. Incidentally, my stbx used checks that he stole from me to pay for our two-day honeymoon. I discovered this later when I was stranded at the airport, after he had flown home ahead of me, with no money left in my checking account.
He even made slightly more money than I did, but would spend it at three the times the rate at which he earned it.
Although I always kept my finances separate, and although I never changed my name, he was still able to steal the checks, and he even stole all of the money out of the one joint account that we ever had - the money from our wedding gifts! He did this when I was away in the field for a week with the Army.
In the very beginning I trusted him to split our utilities which were all in my name. (Of course!) He told me that he paid the power bill when he never did. To this day, it is the only black mark on my credit report.
Oh, I hate him.
The marriage lasted two years and 4 months, at which point I left him and was then stuck being legally separated for three years when I moved states in process.
The 91 day Massachusetts waiting period for my divorce to become officially final will be here in 3 days. I already have my divorce certificate of Nisi.
As I am in grad school, earning a degree related to financial matters, I have given the whole "breadwinner" issue a lot of thought.
Unrelated Vent Continued LSFool:
I never want to financially support a man again. I became utterly disgusted with my husband. I was not able to see him as a man. I lost my sense of femininity. I missed being wooed and romanced by a man who enjoyed taking care of me - even in just little symbolic gestures.
The stbx also told lots of little financial fibs, little ones every day.
When I left him, he told me that he had just been diagnosed with Chronic Progressive Multiple Sclerosis. I believed him at first, and then I wasn't sure. Now I know that he was in fact lying, as it came out in the finalization of the divorce, when he also lied about being a student at the top business school in the world. He is a good liar. The kind who believes his own lies.
I am almost just beginning to realize that having been married to a pathological thief really can do a number on you psychologically.
There were many other like atrocities committed by my stbx.
He got into car accidents constantly. He was never even drunk, just careless. That was the thing. He was careless and he had no issues with a woman taking care of him, bailing him out, staving off the creditors when they called for his head.
He never had a problem. It was never his fault.
"Oh, no, LSFool, I don't have bad credit, when the credit card companies send you offers in the mail, it means that you have good credit," the stbx would say.
What did I know? I was a stupid 23 year old who had never paid anything late in her life.
He was a 29 year old, slightly balding, “chinless wonder” (He didn’t really have a chin, it just sort of dribbled into his neck) opportunist who was good at one thing - selling himself.
"You know, LSFool, its all about how you sell yourself, you know, its all about how you sell yourself."
He sold himself to me all right. Like the band uniforms in "The Music Man."
One time when I was right at the breaking point of getting ready to leave him, he found my diary and photocopied pages of it and used the potential embarrassment of it to blackmail me into letting him stay on base housing (he was a civilian working for the government)for another three months. He never paid me rent although my housing allowance made up a good size chunk of my income, you know, like waitress tips.
Last Post of the Unrelated Vent LSFool: I came home one day when it was 100% degrees outside to find out that he had not even given the dog water.
“Oh, worst case scenario, LSFool, she can drink out of the toilet, I forgot, okay!”
Oh, how I could have stayed in that marriage for even that short time period.
Luckily the dog was fine. I was gone for a long workday, but I stayed up with her until I made sure that she was hydrated, and then I sent her up to live with my mom until I got out of my marriage and left the service.
My dog is really one of the largest parts of my life.
I have been following the Scott Peterson trial on TV. On the one hand I want him to get it because he is a pathological liar like my stbx, on the other hand, it scares me because I look back and I wonder how close I was to snapping and what I would have done if I had been forced to stay in that marriage one second longer.
Here I am. I am supposed to be finishing a paper for school and I am halfway done. I have been up all night and I should be writing it so I can go to sleep, but I am writing this instead.
To this day, my stbx is still sort of dumbfounded and accusatory about my leaving him.
It is so frustrating that he believes his own lies, he believes in his own innocence.
I have always been “evil”, “selfish”, and “spoiled” for complaining about his financial problems, for expecting anything more, for being upset at things that I realize now that I had every right to be upset about.
Oh, and I hate his mother. She walked behind him every step of the way in life and wiped his derriere for him. And then I was evil for not carrying on that proud family tradition.
I hate her three dribble dribble chins that match her three refrigerators.
I hate that one time, once he threw me down on the bed over and over again, shaking me and screaming and spitting in my face that we “were never going to get divorced!!”
I find a hollow satisfaction when I remember him lying on the floor of my new apartment after I left him and we were dividing up our stuff, crying like a blubbering baby, his fat ass lying there and refusing to leave like a fat toddler having a temper tantrum.
I almost called the cops, but then I lost my nerve and hung up. He left and I never saw him again, except through the lawyer that his mother eventually hired for him.
Okay, I guess I better write my paper. Sorry for subjecting you all to my sick and ugly truths, but I needed to vent, or else I am afraid that right now I would explode.
Cheers.
PS I will get back to everyone that I have neglected in the last month and a half or so.
Re:Response to Michael's Article and Seperate Unrelated Vent RecoveringinDE: Hi hun! Vent away. Sounds like you deserved and needed to! No advice given, just a friendly shoulder and listening ears.
((Hugs))
RiDE
Re:Response to Michael's Article and Seperate Unrelated Vent admin: Hey... it's not my article! >:(
I found it in the newspaper and posted it for people to read.
I am the poster, not the writer. :P
-- Michael
p.s. welcome back!
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