Re:Trying to live for me again lemondrop: I think it's just trying to get adjusted to a new life that is hard. And it's a choice that was forced on you - so it's that much harder to like it very much. Like you, I also know I would never take my ex back either but I also know that my life felt better when he was in it. But now there's no one. I have some good friends though. And a dog with a sense of humor helps too. And thank goodness for OJAR too. :D
Hang in there CP - better things are on their way - I just know it.
Re:Trying to live for me again jen: CP-
I think we can all relate to what you've just described. It's incredibly difficult to go from living for the "we" to living for the "me". I, too, still many days like the ones that you describe. It took me months to move my stbx's crap out of my closet...it just took more motivation than I had at the time.
Believe me, things will get better and, slowly but surely, motivation and interest will return. It's hard to get motivated about doing things when you don't feel interested in the possibilities.
Some possibilities:
[list"> [*"> devour the self-help section at the bookstore
[*"> scour your local newspaper for any activities or workshops that spark your interest
[*"> set small goals such as getting one box unpacked before you sit down to watch TV, trying a new recipe to make for dinner, or researching outdoor activities you'd like to try in the spring...
[/list">
Just take it one day at a time...it will get better and there will come a day when you find that there are things that you do look forward to and you'll start building those things into your life...Keep your chin up and don't forget to reach out when you're feeling low! Big hugs!
Re:Trying to live for me again computerperson: I wanted to take a moment to thank the 3 wonderful people that came to my aid today...I really appreciated your kind words. All of your words hit home with me and I'm feeling the mood change already. I think I've been in denial (not just a river in Egypt anymore, hehe) that I do feel down about my failed marriage. It was a failure, but that doesn't mean it didn't have a purpose...and I'm going to do my best to make sure I learn/learned everything I can from it. And it's not going to keep me down...
I have to admit I've been moving away from OJAR recently because I've just seen some posts where people weren't being supportive of others. I'm not criticizing, everyone has their own opinions and feelings on subjects, but those types of post on a support site just wasn't what I'm here for. Heck, I'll probably get butchered for saying that, but I haven't belittled anyone's feelings, I just think this site should be more of what my parent's taught me; if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all…of course that's unless someone is out for honest answers.
So where does that little soapbox moment leave me? Exactly where I started, my feelings haven't changed just because I said what I needed to say. I am thankful for the friends that did take the time to comfort me…I really needed it today. I already got home and took care of my Christmas cards (which I had been putting off) and finished an important letter, that was a good start to my small steps of getting things done. Then I sat on my lazy butt and watched That 70's Show and Las Vegas ;). Tomorrow night I have a semi-blind date with a friend of my sister's (my sister and her husband are joining us), so I'm going to take at for what it's worth. It's probably not the best time for me to even consider dating, but then again, there's no time like the present.
Good luck to everyone out there…I hope you get what you need from OJAR.
Keep the faith.
Chip
Re:Trying to live for me again Samanthain: I think it takes time to find who you are alone now. I find myself occasionally finding a bit of pleasure when I do find myself enjoying something I never could of before. I don't think that I had really established my own identity before I got married and then I just absorbed myself in his life. As time went on, I found things that I enjoyed that didn't involve him and he couldn't accept them or the life that I found that I wanted. He says that I lied about what I wanted but I really just didn't know. I thought I wanted the normal things expected out of a marriage such as having kids. I really didn't know anything else. Top that off with my ex being controlling in a lot of ways and all of a sudden I was alone feeling like a fish out of water not knowing what to do next. Little by little I am finding things that I can do now that I never could when we were married and am enjoying that. Little things like being able to decorate and make my home my own and an example of who I am. I think that it just takes time to find things you like and establish who you are. It takes reaching out and trying new things when you really don't feel you have the heart or energy for it sometimes. It's not easy to start over but it's refreshing when you find yourself enjoying something that you never would have had the opportunity to when you were married. I hope I have a good sense of who I am next time before I ever get involved with anyone else again. Unfortunately, it usually takes time and some effort to find yourself again. It's really hard but eventually you will start to see some things coming together in your life. Take care!!
Re:Trying to live for me again computerperson: Samanthain--It does take time to get your feet back under you again and that's part of what I'm having trouble with now...I'm just not always as patient as I need to be. My lack of patience lead me to rushed into a marriage with someone that I might have loved, but it was with someone that I don't think I could have spent my life with.
I hear what you're saying about your situation...it's good to be able to be yourself and find things you like. Hopefully it will go as smoothly as it can for the both of us and we'll end up on our feet before we know it.
Well, my semi-blind date got cancelled for this evening and I'm kind fo glad it did...I'm not ready to meet anyone yet. I need some time to myself.
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