i want to be done.... hardened_heart1970: i just want this over. over. its supposed to get better, and its nothing but worse. i must be the biggest loooser of everyone here, i cant quit crying. i have cried every f'in day since friday. everyone says be strong. i understand. but i cannot frigin do it. i sit here alone (this is the 3rd day this month she had the kids.) i just dont know what to do. this girl was and is my life. i cant live without her. i m just a big loser. i hate me, i hate air, and i hate breathing. why wont the big guy take you when you want to go.
sorry about all the bad posting, and if you people quit reading my posts i understand. i just not sure how i can take it anymore. ive tried to be strong, i ve tried to not think about her. i have no future without her. i want my wife back and dont know how to do it. ive been praying i go, but he hasnt answered. "PLEASE TAKE ME"
Re:i want to be done.... in_search_of: HH--
You are not the biggest loser here, there are many people who have cried for time much longer than you, many who have wished for something to come and take them because they felt their life was not anything with out him/her.
Guess, what that is not true, if you were someone who was not worthwhile, you would not hurt, you would not feel, you would not cry. I would worry much more if you didn't hurt, if you didn't cry. However, I think that as depressed as you seem to be that you seriously need to consider professional help, someone who can help you see the light, and protect you.
It does get easier, it does not however, get easier immediately. It does not happen over night, you spend time, you take time, you work through all the feelings. In your own time. Remember that everyone here is at a different stage in their grieving process, so while some of us can say it gets better. That does not mean that we know when it will happen for you.
Re:i want to be done.... devochic: Big hugs sweetie. If it makes you feel any better I feel like a big loser too. With an "L" branded on my forehead. And a shirt that says I am with LOSER (with the arrow pointing up at my head).
I think most (if not all) of us at this site have gone through what you are going through. I myself have cried many times this past week and its almost been six months.
Do not feel like you are alone. And I'll keep reading no matter what you say. Even if you say I have a big butt.
I made an appointment with a therapist to help me. Maybe that will help you too.
I wish you the best. Try to be strong, but realize.....its okay if you cry or feel weak. Every day you move forward you are showing your stength. Keep up the great work.
And I want you to smile. A fake smile at least. Big and goofy. (one you would be embassed of in public). I once read faking a HUGE smile, will actually cause you to smile. Weird sh!t. So try it, what do you have to lose.
Keep the faith man. ")
Your friend, Nevin
Re:i want to be done.... Safetykc: Hey HH,
Reading your post got to me. I think you have no reason to apologize for showing emotion or feeling weak. Going through a divorce is one of the most painful experiences imaginable. It can make you angry one minute, lost and crying the next. It is a complete rollercoaster of emotions. And wanting to give up and just die, while feeling that way can be overwhelming you really don't want to do that. Your kids need you and they need you to be strong.
Although it may not seem like it now the only thing that will truly help is time. You can hear some of us oldtimers say it again and again and it's true. As time goes on you will feel stronger, you will feel like life is worthwhile again and you WILL someday find love again or at least hopefully peace...and not the peace of the grave, but the peace of a life well lived and kids well raised.
Try to hang in there and not beat yourself up for moments of weakness or for "failing" like the rest of us and discovering you are simply a human being, which means you will feel the full gamut of emotions, high and low.
Take care brother and stay strong.
Safety
P.S. And stop feeling like a loser for feeling this way, if you a loser then so are the rest of us on Ojar, and in my opinion thats some pretty cool company! ;)
Re:i want to be done.... hardened_heart1970: 74 days gone.
48 days with no contact
1776 hours
106,560 minutes
6,393,600 seconds.
99.8% with no smile.
thanks for all your helps.
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