Re:i want to be done.... jen: hh -
Take deep breaths and repeat after me:
[list">
[*"> I am a good person
[*"> I am strong because I can feel and cry
[*"> It is completely normal to feel angry one minute and so sad the next
[*"> I will get through this and things will get better[/list">
I agree, hh, you've got nothing to apologize for. You are being honest and sharing your grief and helping others by responding to theirs here at Ojar. Keep posting!!!!!!!
It's only been a couple of months. Don't beat yourself up because of some imaginary timeline you think there is to feel better. Time heals all wounds, but noone can tell us how long it will take. I cried and cried and cried almost every day for almost three months...then not as much, but I still cry more than I ever have before.
And, you most definitely are NOT a loser. The most devastating curve has been thrown your way and you are allowed time to adjust.
A big hug to you!
mtmo
p.s. try the fake smile thing Nevin suggested...it couldn't hurt, right????
Re:i want to be done.... WhyNow: H.H.
Please just know that you are not the only one feeling the way you do and you are not a loser even though you (and I) feel like it. The real losers are those who abandoned us. Although they are not responsible for the way we feel right now, they are responsible for the heartless actions that they took. Someday we will realize if we REALLY want to be with a person that can do such things to those who they supposedly loved. We may feel now that they are better than us, that we are losers. They are not better than us though. We have tried everything in our power to stay together. But unfortunately they are someone other than we think they are. They are no longer the same person that we once loved and they really aren't deserving of our love any more. I know that it must really hurt for you not to have contact for that long but look at me. I sometimes call her just to hear her voice even. It somehow soothes me but at the same time just prolongs the hurt as I daydream that we are still as one.
I cry ever single day although I don't cry as much in front of other people as much anymore (only my closest friends and psychologist... as before I could cry in front of just about anyone, anywhere). I usually cry when I go home to the place that we shared so many memories together. I wish I could move and get rid of everything that reminded me of her. But I am stuck here with everything like the place that she decorated, photos and photo albums, her fish tank (with her goldfish that I now feed), her native specialty foods (from the philippines) still in the refrigerator and cabinets, and her smell still in the closet and some of her coats that she left behind (I sometimes smell them jsut to end up crying).
I wish I could be there for us to help each other. I know that my wife has support all around her. All we can do is know that we are trying to support each other through this website. It's not the same as physically being there for someone and to look in their eyes to tell them something or to give them a bear hug but when you realize that we are actual caring, living, breathing human beings and not just some words on a page it should help.
Take care and God help us all.
Re:i want to be done.... dolbaby1977: it is ok to cry and be sad, evem if it is everyday...i guess it is part of the healing process... we all have wounds, and sumtimes even the small tiny ones open up. yes it is hard, and it hurts, hurt like hell...( apprently im not doing so great here on cally) but we will talk later about that)
back to you- i do know what u r going through..and i wihs i could give you a million smiles, hugs,, anything and everything to make you happy again..however, u have to want to be happy again... maybe u r even a bit scared to be happy again, or smile.. we are all so used to being miserable(lol, r we living on misery)....but sweetie, one day, we will smile..and it will be ok.. i kmow this post is kinda going in different routes, but i just have so much going thorugh my mind.... i normally would tell u 2 be strong, but i will save that for another day.....but i do want u to be at peace,,at peace w yourself. u r in my thoughts. take care..
Re:i want to be done.... hardened_heart1970: i dont know. its getting too hard to deal with. she is stuck in my head. this is going to be the worst week of my life. i have to go to court wed with her, and then my b-day is thursday, then exmas. im just screwed. heartless, and poison. im going to call a therapist, but need to make sure it wont hurt me, cause i hired a guardian to try to get the custody, and they may think im wacko. maybe i am. i got married.
i need to change my name to devastated dummie
