Is this crazy? Bryan in VA: I was talking to my STBX earlier today. During our 10 year marriage she always had dramatic weight swings & she never wanted to have a "Family" picture taken.
She looks pretty good now because she has been working out for the OM. We have a 3 yr old son.
She wants to go & take a family portrait of the 3 of us.
She said that we can just tell everyone that it was taken before everything fell apart. I want to do it so my son can have a picture to look at when he gets older.
Is this crazy?
Re:Is this crazy? in_search_of: Well, if you think that you can go in and smile and make a good picture, i really don't see anything crazy about it. You both have reasons to do this, and regardless of the feelings that either of you have as a reason for doing it, if you think that it is good for your son then do it.
However, if she is doing it now because she looks good, and want to lie and say that it was done before, it seems to me that she wants you to have a reminded of the things that she did for the OM that she did not do for you (ie working out)
this is really a decision that only you can make, and whatever you decide, I am sure that it will be right, and will be the best decision for you and for your son!
Re:Is this crazy? Bryan in VA: In search of,
Thanks for the insights.
I think I will do this just so my son can have the picture when he is older. If her motives are Vindictive, I won't let it effect me in that way. i won't five her the satisfaction. It's for my son.
Thanks again.
Re:Is this crazy? brokenman: Right before my ex left us she scheduled a photo. We took the pictures and before they were delivered she left. Later, she got them and presented the whole package to me. I can't look at them. Our daughter, on the other hand, adores them. She has the largest of the bunch in her bedroom.
I think it is crazy, although in my case I can see that she was probably still in that weird stay-or-go mode. But honestly, I think it was a goodbye gift. Also, our daughter was 9 at the time so she fully knew what the picture represented. At the same time, the picture breaks her heart. Not only is the picture a reminder of a time when things were "perfect", it also comes straight from the period when all hell broke loose. Perhaps you won't have that issue.
Telling everyone that the picture was taken before the break up is just plain stupid in my opinion. If you can't take the picture and tell the truth about it then what's the point? If it really is noble to preserve the memory of what was your family for your child then there is no shame in saying so. You want the picture for your son to have... was that her reasoning when she came to you with the idea?
Your reasoning is enough to say go ahead and take the picture. But my warning is to be prepared to want to never ever look at that picture ever again. When I happen to catch a glimpse of ours I most often don't know whether I want to cry or throw up.
Re:Is this crazy? ChristyM: I agree with ISO that it's really dependent on her motives ...
My sister is divorced and they did this for several years until they both got remarried. It was the easiest way to give their kids pictures of their mom and dad and we never really thought one way or the other about it.
When I was home for Thanksgiving a picture was taken (albeit not professionally) of my ex, myself and our daughter. We have both moved on though and are not yet remarried to other people so it didn't seem that weird.
My ex's family is also blended and his mom still goes to Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners at her ex-husband and second wife's house (although of course I no longer attend) to make it easier on the kids so they don't have to spend their holidays making a mad dash to all these different houses. It totally weirded me out at first but everyone gets along ... at least on the surface ... so now it just seems normal. It's actually nice they can do that for their kids.
Christy
