Re: The "Defining" Moment kcart: First time posting here.
My defining moment came when I found out he had stolen my engagement ring and pawned it to pay for drugs. He was also arrested that day for stealing from the restaurant he worked at. I packed up his things and threw him out. We had been together for 10 years, married for almost 4. Seeing the judge on Friday to get uncontested trial date.
Re: The "Defining" Moment Billsfan709: I had 2 defining moiments:
1. When she went to therapy for her depression and she came back and said I ws the cause of her problem, she wasn't attracted to me anymore, the spark was gone..but she wanted to work things out.
2. While we were working things out, I learned she had been carrying on a cell-phone/email affair with an old boyfirend, was in love with him, and no matter what I did, she wouldn't change her feelings. I got her out in a week.
Now each time she calls me or emails, it's another moment..not because she wants to come back, but each times its obvious she's moved on..
Re: The "Defining" Moment achingallover: I'm with you on this one JimB - no affairs, no abuse, no alcoholism - just this man who has decided after a year of therapy that I am not worth his time anymore. That's painful. I still do not know why he is divorcing me - truly. In my eyes, there has been a year long complete arrest in communication and he is tired of it. But you don't divorce someone because you're tired of NOT communicating. You LEARN how to communicate with someone, and then decide if they are no longer "right" for you. Truely, I'm stunned...
The not knowing is hell.
Re: The "Defining" Moment EfemII: Hey BB,
You picked a topic that has been in the back of my mind ever since my separation. There has to more than one defining moment in my situation, because the divorce process went thru a couple of tough stages for me.
The first one was the realization that she no longer loved me. Whether she was just strewn with guilt or she was torn between me and another guy I won't know. I just knew that when she told me of her earlier affair and that she still liked the person she was, that I had to get at least a separation. I knew that if I held onto this fantasy of what our marraige was supposed to be, that I would reach a point of no return.
The second defining moment came during our separation. About one month into our separation she chose to take a trip. Behind it was a bunch of lies about who she was with, where she was going, and what she was doing. When she got back she said she locked herself up in a hotel room all weekend and tried to kill herself by consuming a bottle of aspirin. When I went to see her, she looked okay. I asked her if she needed to go see a doctor, and she said, "No" !
She gave me the same song and dance about how much she liked who she was, and would not change anything about herself. She was, however, telling me what things I needed to change about myself. That's when I looked at her and said that I don't feel sorry for her and that she was full of $hit. I walked out of her mom's house devasted and relieved at the same time. I finally had a point of direction now, and I was on the phone with my lawyer 10 minutes later.
There are also defining moments during the separation/divorce that were just as important as far as my own well-being. I saught a counselor 2 hours after she admitted her affair. If I were to hit the bottle and keep all this in, who knows where I'd be after that. Life is full of choices, and it was an important lesson I learned that the only person that can take care of me.... is me !!! Once I talked to the counselor on the phone I felt as if I had some control over my emotions and feelings. He helped me set a plan for myself and to get me thinking and doing positive things. I think that also played a major part in being strong enough to file for divorce.
Great thread BB !!!
Re: The "Defining" Moment barelybreathing: EfemII,
You touched on something that reminded me of my own situation. The way I responded in dealing with the affair and the way he responded to it. I sought professional, spiritual and medical help. He did nothing. He just turned into this angery, bitter, blaming man.
I think one's character is evident in not so much the mistake they made but how they corrected it....
Thanks all for such enlightening responses to my thread, we are truly on our way.....
BB
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