Re: The "Defining" Moment INCT: I think I had 2 moments..
1..and I quote " this isn't working and I'm leaving" .. and number 2.. when I came home and found out that she moved out while I was at work..
I think those were pretty clear signals that she wasn't coming back.
INCT
Re: The "Defining" Moment pisces_goddess: My "first" defining moment was kind of like JMN's ..He left on another one of his business trips & I didnt miss him.. ALways before it would rip my heart out and this time he walked out the door.. God , I remember it like yesterday, & I was just glad to see him go. I realized living without him was so much easier than living with him.
As for all of the other defining moments? To ugly to mention, but there were enough that it was if there was a big voice screaming at me from somewhere GET OUT NOW.. or you never will... and it was the scariest freakin thing I have ever done.. but I wouldnt go back for all the money in the world.
Re: The "Defining" Moment insomniak23: My defining moment was for the fifth time (yes people i'm slow) that she told me she wanted back and then lied and went back to him anyways. I remember it fondly and unlike Dave I do like telling it because it was a defining moment in my entire life. I changed everthing about myself that I hated. I use to be a pushover and let people say whatever they wanted and I would let it go. Now and its not always a good thing I am quick to let my feelings be known and I'm quick to tell people how I feel. 5 freaking times I let her hurt me even after she left. Each time she would come over and we would spend time with each other but to my surprise she would make a up a excuse to leave and go back to him. And each time I knew where she was going but ignored it because I thought in the end that she would come back to me because I truly loved her. But in reality I didn't. I just missed the feeling of having someone to talk to other than a 3 year old. But my kids feeled that missing void.
Re: The paddington: Like not myself there were a series of little "defining moments." And, like aching, I am waiting for one or the some of them to make me free. A choice few:
* March 7, 2003 - I learn that my husband had a one night stand with a waitress at a bar he went to on a trip in Septamber and that she is pregnant and due in July.
*March 15, 2003 - I learn that the one night stand was not a one night stand at all, but that this woman came to Boston in December and that she is preganant from that encounter -- baby is due in late September. I ask to work on the marriage. He is ambivalent.
*April 5, 2003 - The private investigator we hired confirms that the woman is pregnant. I learn that my husband yelled at her day after day for a week after she told him about the pregnancy because he was mad and in hopes that she would miscarry. He plans to dodge her. I am revolted.
*April 13, 2003 - My husband returns from "soul searching" trip in Maine and tells me we need a divorce because the marriage is "rotted to the core" because "I can no longer make him happy" and that the affair happened because he was neglected.
*April 21, 2003 - My husband moves out so things can cool down. He leaves me a note telling me how much he loves me and that he will be back. He never comes back. He stops going to marriage counseling because he cannot try 100%.
* May 15, 2003 - My husband gets a new job (a huge issue as his ego had been hit by being asked to leave his other job). He sees this event as an opportunity for a new start, but without his marriage in the picture.
June 4, 2003 - My husband tells me that his affair consisted of 4 encounters, all but one of which he had to drive over 300 miles to see this woman. I learned they talked every day, that he did not love her but was infatuated with her and explicit details about their encounters (how many times they had sex in the weekend, the fact that she was having her period...ewwww!)
*June 6-18, 2003 - My husband takes a 12 day trip by himself to the Pacific Northwest to escape before his new job. I hear from him only 3x. He visits 72 sports stadiums (that's his thing) and acts very much like a "single man" along the way. He nevertheless is unclear about wanting to work on things.
*July 4, 2003 - My husband takes off his ring, goes to NYC, hooks up with another woman and determines he is happier alone.
*July 17, 2003 - My 4th anniversary. My 2nd meeting with my lawyer.
Re: The "Defining" Moment atd74: There were a lot of little defining moments that led up to one big one. It was maybe three days after I had been home from another "separation" and we got into it again and he walked away - out the door he went. I screamed at the top of my lungs, "I don't give a sh** if you ever come back!!!!!!". I was shocked at myself... I truly loved my ex and never talked to him like that because I respected him always - through everything.
But at that point the respect was gone and I knew it was the beginning of the real end.
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