made my bed? inebr: I was just reading through some of the past threads here on the board. I married for the right reasons. I knew when I married him that I was taking a risk. He was a person used to being alone, having his own life, and really really had a hard time with committment and responsibility. Yes, all that I KNEW and I married him. I believed the risk was worth it and also knew that if I didn't do it that I would always wonder why I backed down without trying. So here I am, almost 10 months later and he is saying he wants to divorce.
I have told myself during these months as things did not seem to "take" after we got married that this is MY BED, I made it, I gotta lay in it. And a big part of that is true!! I feel like I can't blame this on anyone, it is ALL on me! I feel ashamed of myself sometimes, like what a BIG lesson I learned. What a mess.
But I still believe in my heart that I did it for a right reason.
ugh...
Re: made my bed? notmyself: you married for the right reasons. i think that will actually help you through this if the divorce proceeds. i am coming to realize i married for all the wrong reasons, and it is hard to come to grips with. it makes me doubt that i will ever really understand why i did it and doubt i will ever trust myself again enough to take a risk like that again. do not blame yourself or feel ashamed. you took a risk, you fell in love, you thought forever, and that is wonderful. just because it didn't work out does not mean you failed. you will not have to wonder what-if, you took the chance and it was probably great for a while. think of what you would have missed. life is learning, every day, both the good and the bad. this is all in the plan. i remember right after i got seperated i emailed a pastor at my church, he was head of the singles ministry. he wrote me that this was all in the plan, from the day i met my husband until the present. you just have to have faith that it will all workout for the best. better days are coming, we just have to have faith that they will get here soon. good luck.
Re: made my bed? JimB: Do me a favor, inebr....
Come back to this post a month from now (let's see, that'd be July 12 - mark your calendar) and comment on it. I think it's admirable that you're able to have so much perspective and accept responsibility for the risk you took. However, don't be too hard on yourself. It takes two to cause a marriage to succeed or fail.
Right now, IMO, it's too early for you to say whether the risk was really worth it. Spend some time understanding and dealing with the consequences of the end of your marriage. I myself am now at a point where I can look back at all the happiness (and misery) that occurred during the marriage, and all the misery (and happiness) that have occurred since it ended. And I don't regret the risk I took. Because I did it right, and for the right reasons.
Take comfort in the knowledge that you did it right. Not everybody here can say that.
Re: made my bed? inebr: notmyself,
Thanks for that response. at times it's hard for me to find a balance between being proactive in my life and letting go. there are things I can control and things I can't and it's difficult distinguishing sometimes.
I feel better by reading what you wrote, i could relate.
Well, I hope you take the risk again. I hope everyone does, i dunno but i really think it's the only way to live.
Re: made my bed? inebr: thanks jimb, I'll mark my calendar :).
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