They told me so... richmds: Well I had to talk to the STBXW because my lawyer mentioned that I needed to serve her my papers, right before Thanksgiving no less.
So funny thing is she called me, I didnt recognize the number so I didnt answer. I call her at home and she tells me earlier that day she tried to call me.
Anyway I wanted to meet because I dont like doing important things over the phone.
We got to talking and she wanted to try again and deep down I wanted to as well. I knew we would have to go through some serious therapy but hoped it would work.
Well she was still seeing the OM and broke it off with him immediately.
Anyway we talked for the next week, went to eat, and things seemed ok, then she mentioned the OM is still around because of her job and he knows some of the same people and is at some gatherings. She doesnt talk to him except "hi", but I cant go because she doesnt want me to make it ugly since its her job and she doesnt know which functions he might show. Truthfully I probably would kick his ass, two times.
Well needless to say I flipped out and yelled and got real mad and loud. So now we are apart again and still proceeding with our filling. My moment of insanity scared her and washed the good week we just had. I told her to go back to the OM and leave me alone as I was starting to get better being by myself.
I am just going to go back to getting on for now, not as sad as before a little more angry.
I dont know what will happen next, but I guess everyone is right, its harder to reconcile once the damage has started.
Re:They told me so... favoriteangel2003: I dont know what will happen next, but I guess everyone is right, its harder to reconcile once the damage has started.
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It is harder because of all the anger, hurt and resentments that are sitting there inside of us. It doesn't take much and whammo we release and vent and how do you stop when it feels so good to get it out. Had a blow up today so I know what you mean when you say your moment of insanity. It hurts and you are not the only one going through this crap...if that makes you feel any better. Hang in there, if it's meant to be....it will be. If it's not....it won't. Just be patient with yourself and don't beat yourself up for what you are going through. It's normal! One day at a time, that is all we can do. :)
Angel :)
Re:They told me so... richmds: Its does FA, thanks.
I am probably wrong but I couldnt help it. In retrospect maybe it was just the situation and having to deal with it. Perhaps it was harmless, but it just felt like I was being betrayed and cheated on again, a 2nd time.
And yes probably a lot of pent up anger, frustration, sadness that is still there.
She left mentioning that it was selfish for her to contact me since she wanted to talk and didnt consider how I was feeling.
I kind of regret getting so loud, but another part of me doesnt, hopefully it wont happen again and I can keep it together in general. It kind of scared me that I could be so upset.
Re:They told me so... OldSchool: I would've exploded too. That's what they should expect, and good for you for not holding it in. I'm saying that was a good thing that you did! You showed a true, honest feeling and that should show her what she's doing is not OK and never will be. I just think sometimes they just don't get it...
OS
Re:They told me so... DOK: If she can't respect you enough to tell the OM to stay the hello out of her life, and to stay the hello away from you, then that's a clear indicator of where her heart still lies, IMDAO (in my dumba$$ opinion).
When someone cheats, and they have a falling out with their SO, then they decide that they want to get back together with their SO because they realize that they messed up big time, they should be willing to eat a lot of crow at that point - and I mean A LOT. In other words, they should be willing to suffer through humiliation, guilt, regret, sadness, despair, with an intensity commensurate with what their SO has had to go through due to their original abuse of trust. Not to satisfy some crazy notion of revenge or oneupmanship, but to go through the process of reconciliation requires restitution and repentance, and if a person is unwilling to trudge through the valley of the shadow for their SO because it makes them "emotionally uncomfortable", then they really aren't ready to commit fully to their now-wounded SO.
And I am not saying they should be willing to subjugate themselves to abuse, physical or emotional. But they should be willing to walk down into the pit of despair with their SO, hold their hand, and climb out together. Simply calling down words of encouragement, when the cheater was the one who pushed them into the pit in the first place, is not even close to being sufficient.
It's a desparate trap that the cheater sets for the cast-aside SO, and it's so easy to fall into. But be careful, she may just be stringing you along to assuage her own feelings of guilt - or lonliness - or idiocy.
My vote is that you were justified in your verbal tirade - probably because I did the same thing when my stbx told me not to date for 5 years - just in case things didn't work out with her and "grandpa". Pshaw!
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