the trust problem and the future legionuvdoom: i know alot of u guys sound positive and i'm thankful for the support, but i've always been a little bit more cynical, probably my low self esteem or something. Anyway, yeah i'll probably go out with other women when i'm ready, but how will i ever trust another woman, or man for that matter? I've been lied to, cheated on, had money stolen from me, had my male friends fool around with my girl friends. I'm not looking for sympathy, but i'm starting to feel like everyone's a piece of crap who will use me and then throw me away. I don't know if i can ever trust anyone again. My ex strung me along for seven years, and now she threw me away. I used to think the worst thing she could do was cheat on me, but she actually left me for the other man.
Re:the trust problem and the future jjbswest: same feelings here. I have always had trust issues and it took me a long time to fully put my trust in him. I always told him the worst thing that you could do to me is cheat on me and he promised he would never do that. But, to actually be left for the other woman is that much more of a kick in the gut. I know that I will have trust issues. I told my mom, everyone is a cheater. YOu can't trust anybody. She said are you a cheater. I said no and she said then not everyone is a cheater. I don't have an answer to the trust question because I gave him my trust and he abused it so I don't feel like I can ever trust again.
Re:the trust problem and the future jen: Legion...this experience has made me start to think some pretty cynical things, too...but, one of the things I have learned is that Dr. Phil may be right...we teach people how to treat us...maybe it is something like a self-fulfilling prophecy, but I think when we expect crap from people, that's exactly what we get!
I had an offer to cheat in the last year of my marriage, but I didn't even consider it. My stbx told me he KNEW I would never cheat on him. And, there he went and cheated as if it were nothing. Our whole marriage I tried to make things good for him, catered to him, the whole bit...he knew he didn't have to be responsible, etc. because I would make excuses and pick up the slack...guess what I learned - I let him do that sh!t!
I hope that you, like I, will expect MORE respect from the people in your life because that is what we deserve. I know there are all sorts of things I won't accept in my life again...and, when I'm strong enough to actually not let myself be treated poorly, I believe that I will be able to trust again...I hope you will, too!
just my 2 cents,
mtmo
Re:the trust problem and the future WhyNow: Yes, I think that when we expose our greatest fears to others repetitively and even sometimes accuse them of doing things towards that end then we sometimes actually push them to do it.
Taken to extremes it ends up being the borderline personality mindset of "I hate you, don't leave me".
For me, I am still really in denial of this whole thing and am having trouble coping with the reality of what is happening. However, when and if it is completely over and I am seriously looking for a new relationship I will probably be so gullable out of loniliness and need that I would probably look past the warning signs once again. I think that I am worried about how long it will take to get to a certain "comfort level" with someone else. I guess that would include trust and alot of other things as well.
Sigh, a couple of more relationships that lasted as long as this one and I'll be close to dead anyway, if I don't die of a broken heart soon that is.
I will really miss her kiss at the stroke of midnight tomorrow. I never thought I would ever have to miss her like this, not knowing if I ever will kiss those lips again. She said I didn't do that enough anyway and didn't appreciate it. Hindsight is 20/20 and I wish I did more on my own.... but I wish she would've told me how much these things bothered her as they were happening, instead of them gathering up into a stockpile of resentment that blew up into abandonment.
I must lead Ojar in words per post and jumping from this subject to that. Sorry... it's all I know right now., sadly enough.
Bye
Re:the trust problem and the future richmds: I think we are who we are and that wont change. We didnt do the cheating so we dont have to run from emotions or our own image every morning in the mirror.
While many of us are in or have been in pain, if you are a person that is good and was able to trust someone that betrayed you, I think you can still trust but this time around you will just be more cautious.
I have read lots of pain but I can also read that many people on here are good and just venting anger from pain from sadness, but it slowly fades. It just takes time.
I for one felt the same, how can I ever believe in humanity when there are predators out there to steal our SO's and SO's that accept the candy from strangers. But now that time has gone by and I have had time to digest, reflect, and heal a bit I feel I am going back to my old principles, values, and trust in people is slowly coming back. Just hang in there, all your good qualities and trust in people will resurface, its just hiding to protect itself right now.
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