Re:he said he loved me angel44: I just read your story, and it is simaler to mine. My husband wants a divorce after only a year. He still tells me he loves me and cares about me, but he doesn't love me the way he used to. He says he tried to communicate with me and I wouldn't listen. I am pretty sure he is seeing someone else. He says after I move out he might miss me enough he will want me back. We still sleep together, but I am moving out soon At first I begged him to change his mind he said he would think things over, he didn't , he was just putting me off because he felt bad for doing this to me. His mind is made up for whatever reason . I don't know what to do or think either, it hurts more than any thing I have ever felt, I just don't understand! I have decided to stop begging him to reconsider, and I am trying to be hard towards him, I think it is throwing him off guard. I still love him with all of my heart, but I am a good person and I didn't do any thing to deserve this. HANG TOUGH!!!! :' (
Re:he said he loved me krunk79: This theory, called "tough love," is unique in that it tells us to do the exact opposite of what we want to do.
Here's how it works: Stop trying (for now). You need to accept that the other person has freedom and give it to them. Step back and say "If you choose to do this thing, you are free to do it. I will be hurt, but I will accept it and move on." DO NOT beg, plead, or grovel. Allow him to do what he wants to do. Do not follow him around or attempt to find out what he's doing. This step accomplishes several things. The first and most important is that it gives you your self respect and dignity back. The second thing is that it turns the tables. If you act mysterious and like you don't care, he'll be the one left wondering what's going on with you. He'll wonder if you're moving on with your life and if you've found somone else. It's very likely that if you can keep up this attitude, he'll be the one crawling back to you before too long.
Re:he said he loved me krunk79: If he decides to leave you and continue his affair, there's nothing you can do about it. It's better to accept that now and move on with your life than to drag things out. If your giving him his freedom causes him to come back eventually, move on to step 2.
Step 2: Confront him with the things he has done wrong and force him to change before you accept him back. Make him go to counseling and join support groups. HE chose to have the affair, not you! You may need to work on things also, but do not act like everything is your fault! It isn't! He is the one who wronged you, and if you tell him that its your fault and you're the one who will change, you're doing two things: 1. Giving him more power for the wrong HE committed. 2. Preventing him from suffering the consequenses of his own actions.
Re:he said he loved me krunk79: Step 3: Once his has admitted his guilt and made serious efforts to repair the damage, NOW you can work on you! Do all you can to win him over and make the relationship work.
I think this is good advise because it allows you to regain your self respect and dignity. The reverse psychology may or may not work, but at least you'll feel better about yourself when this is over.
I hope that helps (it's the advise I decided to follow anyways)!
Re:he said he loved me lvaughn24: Ive researched this exstensively. They say not to beg and not to tell them youve changed or would change, and to live life like they are not coming back. They say at this stage in the game not to say i love you and just to let it be and accept the fact. They will realize in time what they are missing. Most important thing they say is to agree with your spouse and not to argue. that is just some of the things ive read.
