Family life down south xhubbie: I had a great New Year's weekend with my extended family. My son was visiting me. My brother was here from Biloxi. For the most part, things were great. I also played it smart. When it was time for all of the couples to exchange kisses, I went to check on all the kids (killed two birds with one stone) .
However, it was so tough going back to work. I know everyone experiences that after the holidays, but my pain was worsened by my trip to Wal-Mart.
There are families with father, mother, and the children all together on family shopping excursions. I think to myself, "that dad was me a year ago". I don't get jealous of the dad, but I feel depressed that my stbx was willing to give that up so easily. How could she place so little value on family life? I wondered, but secretly knew, that it doesn't bother her. The style of life she has patterned is the hipster, fashionable, and socialite single woman who doesn't want to be "smothered" by couplehood where everything about her screams "REBELLION !! " from the top of her lungs.
I sure wish she had sewn all of her wild oats before meeting me so I wouldn't have wasted the last 4 years of my life, hurt stepchildren, and set my son up for a life with stepparents. ::)
Also, as a random thought and something to think about, think about the following question.
Would someone who didn't experience divorce as a child be more likely to get a divorce or less likely?
Yes that was a loaded question. My opinion is that parents who never experienced divorce as a child don't realize the tremendous hurt that it can cause children. In fact, my stbx once remarked that my stepdaughters were well adjusted simply based on the fact that they made good grades in school and were 'reasonably' happy. They are also very much overweight. The younger of the two needs constant reassurance from her mom that she is loved. Both of them dread going to their dad's house, because they say that their stepbrother is mean to them and that their stepmom is to tough on them. Yes, they are well adjusted. How would she like to be the pawn in a game of 'visitation schedule'? >:(
Re:Family life richmds: Well I can say as for seperation and divorce I come from parents that divorced as have my cousin, and friends.
And all of us have had rough spots in every relationship, some have a hard time maintaining long terms relationships.
Whereas curiously my STBX and I she kept the relationship going during our rough spots, when I would get nervous or scared as to follow in the footsteps of my parents. Till recently after over 30 years of marriage her parents seperated. And that seems to also be about the same time she decided to stop trying and see new people.
And now we are where we are at.
Hmm just thought about that, weird.
Re:Family life rhondam71: That is a loaded question...I remember being treated none to welcome for suggesting that since I am a child of a divorce that I do have insight into some of this pain. But I stand by it. Growing up as a child in a divorce alters your life. You may either manipulate your parents to get what you want because you are hurt, or they use you as a pawn...or a little of both is going on. You feelm guilt about spending holidays at one parents while another is at home alone. You feel like home is where your packed bag is. Divorce is tough and I always said that I would fight tooth and nail before I divorced and put my children through it. Now that I am 33 I realize that may not be the case and divorce could happen to me. But I know that it is tragic. So good luck and please always give your children space and lots of love!
Rhonda
Re:Family life jjbswest: I don't think it matters whether you come from a divorced family or don't. I did come from a divorced home, but I had it set in my mind that I was going to make my marriage work no matter what. But, you can't make someone else stay. That's their choice. No matter how hard I fight for him, he doesn't want to be here anymore. I do realize how my kids are feeling because I have been there. And I try to always keep that in mind right now.
Re:Family life favoriteangel2003: [quote author=jjbswest link=board=20;threadid=6576;start=0#msg52789 date=1104788946">
I don't think it matters whether you come from a divorced family or don't. I did come from a divorced home, but I had it set in my mind that I was going to make my marriage work no matter what. But, you can't make someone else stay. That's their choice. No matter how hard I fight for him, he doesn't want to be here anymore. I do realize how my kids are feeling because I have been there. And I try to always keep that in mind right now.
[/quote">
I totally agree with her! I came from a divorced family too and I was happy about it. I knew my mom was unhappy and actually the whole family was unhappy and I still think that was the best decision my mom could have done for all of us. I would hate to see what my life would be like if she stayed....scary to even think about it. Some kids benefit greatly from it. I did! Just another way to look at it...
Angel :)
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