Re: How do you let go? aisac:
Itwillgetbetter - Bipolar? Wow that must be difficult. I've thought about making that list. Does it work?
down2basics - I've had those fantasy moments where I think things could work out, and I've even allowed myself to go there with him. But 3-5 days later he walks out on me again and I feel like someone should just stamp fool on my forehead.
Noone can tell you what to do with this situation. Noone knows exactly what it is to be in your relationship. I do think that asking the question "Can I respect (insert x's name)?" Without respect you cannot love someone let alone like them. I feel respect is as important as trust. Asking myself if I can respect my x is what I use sometimes as a reality check. Don't be so hard on yourself - you're not stupid. You're normal. I think it's because we have to change not only things like not living with somone, finances, etc... but we have to change our thinking. I mean for however many years we are with this person we've projected that into the futurem forever we will be with this person and we're going to do this and this etc.... Now all of a sudden it is like okay what exactly am I going to do and not with this person.
okay, I've gone on long enough.
aisac
Re: How do you let go? galil: How do you let go?
I agree with everything said by everyone on this.
I guess in all reality though letting go is something that just happens. Either you do or you do not.
I have seen some people hold on for years and years, but that is mainly in the movies hehe.
we have no choice in lettin go, we are not wanted by our EXs anymore and they have moved on. Most of them actualy moved on long before they left us. I think time is the best remedy for letting go that and a little dose of reality that it is truly over.
Acceptance that they have moved on with or without someone else and trying to stay away from the denial stage helped me get through the letting go much quicker I think.
I see alot of people holding on to the idea that they may come back one day. I kow for me I did for a long time. Once I got past that point I was able to start planning my new life and start moving in that direction.
Re: How do you let go? down2basics: Galil,
You know I've notice that I am one of those people who has a REALLy tough time letting go. I keep thinking over and over to myself, "What could I have done differently? What if I did ____ would that make it better? What if....what if....what if.....????" I roll it over and over in my head - I can't (at times) seem to stop it. However, I will say since I've joined this board, it has improved dramatically - thanks you you guys! I wish I could convey to you how much your input means to me - and to everyone else you talk to. It gives me strength in my weak moments.
Tell me something...do you ever stop and think about what you miss about your x? Does it ever bother you in the middle of the night? Do you have to stop and deliberatly make yourself think about the terrible things that went on in the marriage to combat these mushy feelings? What do you do?
Aisac! You are such a doll! I appreciate you and your input - I agree with you that respect and trust are two of the most vital issues in any relationship, marriage, friendship or otherwise. If you don't have those two components, it will never last. That's what breaks my heart so about my lost marriage. Trust was the cornerstone of everything - and now it is but shadows and dust....
Big hugs to you all! I appreciate you more than you know! ;D
Re: How do you let go? itwillgetbetter: YEs, It bothers me in the middle of the night.
Yes, I lay in bed wondering what if I had done this or that.....
Yes, I lay in bed missing him.
Yes, I still dream about him and that things are good again.
......and still I am not sure why I think of those things because our marriage was never that great. He yelled at me a lot. I was on pins and needles the whole time because I was never sure how he would react to ANYTHING. (bipolar) It has been the hardest thing in my life.
And then I have to remember to let go and I have the whole rest of my life to live happily. The say living well is the best revenge and I plan on doing it!!!!
---I know it will get better; but I also have a difficult time letting go.
Re: How do you let go? galil: Do we still have those mushy feelings come up?
Well I know every once in a while I do, it passes though and it gets better.
Everyone has there own personal hell they went through during there divorce so it might be harder for some to get past the mushy feelings and fill in the void with all the bad.
For me there is soooooooooo much bad it is hard to remember the GOOD times. I know there were good times over the ten years my ex and I were together but all in all the way she acted and the things she did in the end totaly shadow any good I can remember.
I do remember the fact that I thought we were happy for 9.5 of the years we were together. I never knew she was as unhappy as she said she was.
Bottom line she should have made it crystal clear and I would have done anything to make her happy. she didnt and decided instead of trying to make it work take off with some doper kid and do drugs.
Anyway it is much easier I think for me than others to wash away the good times because of all the horrid things she did to destroy my heart. She was very calculating and deliberate in the words she chose to hurt me. So I would be the one I guess to leave so she would not have to look so bad:(
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