Re: How do you let go? down2basics: Hi INCT... ;D
Thanks for your reply! IT does help...truly! I know time is the universal healer...but it also tests your resolves.
I appreciate your imput. Thanks again!!!
8)
Re: How do you let go? aisac: down2basics,
I do still miss the "comfort zone" that I had with my x and I also miss that companionship that I had with a person who knew me better than anyone else. You know what I find just as hard is the two people I have in my head for my x. One person being the person that he was when we were dating and married and the other is the person who he is since the ending of our marriage. The crazy thing is that the two look nothing alike and its confusing. (Does this make sense?) But I guess my point is that when I miss these things, I have to remind myself that this person doesn't exist anymore. I hope this makes since.
You ask how do you let go? I've been divorced for about 7 months now and all I can say is - a little at a time. I still feel sad and need to cry from time to time, but I have noticed that as time passes I experience this less frequently. Also, when you need to cry, then cry. When you're angry, let it out. Experience it for what it is and then within that moment let it go. I don't know if this helps any - but hang in there.
Re: How do you let go? down2basics: Thank you so much for your imput aisac....I truly identify with everything you said. I believe that my x has changed....but, sadly, it's too little too late.
We argued again last night, and he has maintained that he's tried to put our marriage back together for the past 18 months. Well...that's true. He's been working on transforming himself. The problem is though, is that there is no trust left between us, which was the cornerstone of our entire relationship to begin with. Without trust, you get nowhere - quick!
He's been sending me all the "Divorce Busters" articles...all of them basically saying how selfish I am to be a WAW and that I've basically committed the most horrible of crimes against the very people I love the most. However, I still maintain, my kids are happier now than they've ever been. My son protests strongly at the idea of going to his daddy's every other weekend. He cries everytime he has to go. (He's 7).
Yes, like you, I miss so many of those comforts. He knows me like no one else ever has - or probably ever will. What does that say? What does that mean? Am I throwing away the one I was meant to have? I don't know. I do know however, I don't trust him (He stole my income tax refund last year) and I don't agree with his financial philosophies (He has no regard for money or indebtedness!) nor do I agree with many of his philosophies on raising children.
He has a passive agressive tendency toward me and my kids. I'm, shall we say, more blunt. He accused me last night of not knowing how to be a good partner. I beg your pardon?
List (to vent!)
Who was it that got a $600 ticket at the beggining of our marriage that took all I had saved to pay off to keep you from going to jail?
Who was it that let our storage room go back and all of my baby's things (including baby books, clothes, bedding, furniture, books etc...) be thrown into the city dump?
Who was that, even after finding out that our son is allergic to cats, goes out and gets another kitten to add to the two cats you already have?
Who was that man who would never go outside and even throw a ball to your son? or daughter?
Who was that who spent all his waking hours at home staring at the TV or computer monitor?
Who was that who NEVER took out the trash? Mowed the lawn? Repaired the cars?
Who was that who wouldn't take care of himself...let himself go so far down that diabetes took over?
Geez...and I'm not prepared to be a good partner??? Ugh!
Ok...I'm through venting for now...I just can't get over his arrogance! I can't go back to a man whom I think is full of crap!!! Maybe it is me...but I think maybe part of it at least, is him!!
::)
Re: How do you let go? itwillgetbetter: I don't know how to let go either. And my x was a bipolar. Talk about different person than the one I married!!
I made a list of all the crap he did and I keep it by the phone.
Re: How do you let go? down2basics: I keep a list constantly running in my head - it's my only defense against those weak moments I have when I begin to think maybe we could work this thing out! Grrrrr! Sometimes I can be sooo stupid! ???
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