Are you too ashamed to tell anyone in real life? NoEscape: For those who have been cheated on...are you ashamed to tell your friends? You family? Your co-workers? I am...I dont want to tell anyone that my wife had an affair. I have told one relative who I know also has marital issues. I feel such embarrassment about the situation. My marriage has always been rock solid...so I thought. I know if it werent for my daughter I doubt I would even try to reconcile. Just venting... :-[
Re:Are you too ashamed to tell anyone in real life? sadinct: Hi-
At first I was ashamed, disgusted, horrified.. but the only thing that helped me get through the initial few months was comming here and also talking to a few friends.
Don't be ashamed- cheating is all about the cheater, not the partner left behind by their thoughtless act.
Be well
Doug
Re:Are you too ashamed to tell anyone in real life? Dino: I was not ashamed. I knew I had done nothing wrong. I knew and still know to this day that I had always treated her properly and loved her as much as I could.
I was extremely upset about it and needed to talk to someone. My ex said there was nothing left to talk about. I went to a very good friends place and practically lived there for 2 weeks. I spoke to him a lot and cried a lot there. Getting it out and talking about it helped me a lot. I think if I didn't get it out early I would be worse off now.
I agree with Sadinct. Nothing can excuse cheating. I don't care how bad a relationship is, people should have the decency to leave someone before seeing someone else. It's not that hard.
She is the one who should be ashamed.
Re:Are you too ashamed to tell anyone in real life? sadinct: Yes, Dino, she is the one who should be ashamed.. unfortunately, my wife was not. :(
Re:Are you too ashamed to tell anyone in real life? barelybreathing: First off, there is absolutely nothing for you to be ashamed of. Absolutely nothing.
Her affair is her weakness, her issue, her failure.
I am an extremely private person. Probably why I come to ojar and post so much. Because of the anonymity. But, I had to talk about it. I had to share. Not gossip or invade my spouse's privacy, but to share my incredible pain. It helped me process things better. I chose to share because, 1) my ex did not keep his affair a secret, so in my opinion, it was open for discussion. 2) Why should I keep his sin a secret? Would that not make me an accessory to his sin? 3) I need to lean on others, because I was going to die otherwise.
Only you know what is right for you. If secrecy is best, than please share your pain here or in another support group or even through counseling. But share it. DO NOT KEEP IT INSIDE!
Adultery is horrific to go through. And only one adultery "victim" to another can understand what you are experiencing. It's easy for family and friends to say to you, "get over her" he is a loser, blah, blah, blah. But it is not quite that simple. It is a long, arduous process.
Put your fatigues on soldier.....you are in for the battle of your life.
May God embrace you during this time and keep you afloat.
BB
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