Hi, I'm new here. This is my story. Jennah: Hi, this is my first post. My name is Jenna. I'm 24 years old, and have a 4 year old daughter. This past Jan 7th was my 5 year wedding aniversary. I came across this site while searching for info on divorce.
Right now I'm still with my husband. I'm kind of stuck here. I've been a stay at home mom for 4 years. I had to quit college after my daughter was born, so I have no education, no job history, no credit, no self esteem, nothing of my own. I'm so very unhappy.
I have been thinking about leaving my husband for about a year now. There isn't one specific reason why I want to leave him, but millions of little ones. I guess the first reason is because of issue's in our past I can't let go of. When I was 6 months pregnant, my husband and I had gotten into an arguement. It ended up getting physical. He knocked me on the ground and fell on top of me, hitting me in the head in the process. At the time he was sorry, and swore never to do it again.
6 months later it happened again. It became a regular thing once I had my daughter. 2 years ago he ended up in counsling for it, and it hasn't happened since. But I can't get over my fear of him. Now instead of hitting me he disable's my car so I can't leave when were fighting. He threaten's to take my daughter away from me if I leave. He tells me he'll fight for custody untill i'm broke, and that he'll tell the court I'm a terrible mother.
He is a complete control freak. If he says no, that's the way it is. I have to ask for money, because he has the checking account. He won't even let me go grocery shopping by myself because he wants to know what it costs. On top of everything else, he's generally an ass to me. He constantly puts me down, and makes me feel worthless. He tells me to get a job, but won't be flexable about sharing the car. I have to get a job that will work around his schedule, which never stays the same from week to week. I would also have to put my daughter in daycare while he's home, because he needs downtime. He expects me to pay for daycare by myself. He has alienated me from my family, and were not even on speaking terms because of something he did at my parents house at X-MAS. We live in Texas, and all of our family is in Oklahoma. I know he would drag me to court here, because texas is easier on father's. I have no support system here, and he would fight my leaving the state.
We have 3 vehicles, but he has taken apart 2 of them so that i have to ask for the car. All of the cars are in his name. He write's my mileage down, so i have to keep a log of where i drive to. He has put spyware on our computer to monitor me online. (I have disabled it )
He's just crazy. In the past year I've finally started standing up to him, but it seems like when I do all we end up doing is screaming at one another. I don't want my daughter to grow up thinking this is okay or normal. So I've quit talking to him, and I let him fall asleep on the couch. The thought of having sex with him makes me feel like I'm going to vomit. I hate him so much.
But I'm going to get out of this mess. I've been selling stuff on ebay, so that I'll have some money put away. I've finally convinced him to sell our house, so that won't be an issue. I'm getting my ducks in a row, and I'm getting out. I'm scared, but I guess it's something I have to get over.
So that's my story. Sorry it was so long, but I guess that was more for me than the people reading this. I just needed to get this off my chest. Hopefully next year I can read this post, and say wow, I've come a long way!
Re:Hi, I'm new here. This is my story. jjbswest: hi, welcome. this is very supportive and has helped me alot. you cannot live this way. you need to find a way, someone to help you, and do what you need to do for you and your daughter. I don't thinkyou have to worry about custody if there are records of physical abuse. you can do this. it is scary. you should talk to another on here who is kinda going through the same thing. you are not alone. you seem like you already know what you need to do, but don't let him make you feel worthless. that's the whole point of everything for him . to make you feel like you have to have him for things. you need him. i am telling you that you don't need him. i am learning to take care of me and my kids without mine as are everyone else on here. you can do it. it is hard at first but you can do it. you deserve so much more.
Re:Hi, I'm new here. This is my story. lvaughn24: Im scared for you. Get out immediately!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just my opinion. He seems like a phsyco.
Re:Hi, I'm new here. This is my story. Terry: Wherever you are or live.... there are groups and resources to help you move on your own!! At least talk to them and it will give you some empowerment in knowing that you have options when you're ready! If you are in an isolated town.... you are fortunate enough to have computer access to those resources!
Don't wait until you HAVE to go........ take the first step!
Hugs to you!!
Terry
Re:Hi, I'm new here. This is my story. Dino: Let me just say RUN!!!!
Any guy that can hit a woman can do worse. I would be very careful in choosing your time to leave him. This is a case where I would not tell him you are leaving until you were gone, or you had someone else with you. I agree with lvaughn. He sounds like a psycho.
Go and stay with a friend now. Stay with anyone you trust but get away from this guy.
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