Not a clue what to do! pleesehelp: Hi everyone. My wife and I have been together(actually lived together), for about 10 years but have been married for only 1 year since X-Mas. We have 1 child and 1 from each previous marriage and we all live together in a house. We have never been with anyone else or separated since we met. About a half a year ago, she said she was losing her love for me, and we have discussed before about my lack of show of affectionate feelings for her.( I guess I never realy noticed it at the time) Anyway, when she said was losing her love for me,she was thinking about a divorce but changed her mind after I agreed that I would change. Well,a half a year later(yesterday) she said I never changed & she lost her love for me completely and wants a divorce. She admitted that she met someone at her work(a customer) & has seen him for only a short while. She also kind of admitted they made love.I also think she loves him(sort of) She was not mean & also said she didnt want to hurt me & keep lying. One main reason for her feelings I believe is because we didnt make love very often. Im very sick to my stomach with the thought of her and someone else. Maybe I brought it on myself.I want her love again and couldnt think of being with anyone but her! Im lost! What can I do? ps: sorry for the long letter :'( >:( ??? ??
Re:Not a clue what to do! Shanna: Cheaters make excuses to blame their cheating on their spouse. There is no excuse for cheating and it isn't your fault. If she wants a divorce let her have it.
Welcome to OJAR!!! Glad you found us ((HUGS))
Re:Not a clue what to do! radiogal: [quote author=Sully link=board=1;threadid=7026;start=0#msg56337 date=1106152798">
Cheaters make excuses to blame their cheating on their spouse. There is no excuse for cheating and it isn't your fault. If she wants a divorce let her have it.
[/quote">
well, sadly, that's true in almost all cases...in my case, i'm the dirty, low-down cheater...but EVERYONE i know says it's my stbxh's fault i cheated...i can't buy it, it's no excuse...there is no excuse. so, i agree, no matter what happened, it's not your fault she cheated...
Re:Not a clue what to do! jjbswest: there are , in my opinion, no excuses for cheating whatsoever. if you aren't happy in a marriage or are thinking of cheating, get out of the marriage first. people shouldn't cause the hurt on someone they once loved by infedility. it is not your fault at all. mine told me it was my fault in the beginning. finally, a couple nights ago, he said it wasn't my fault. i didn't do anything wrong. he was just unhappy and it shouldn't have happened the way it did. he also said that he didn't love me. but now he says he does but it's too late. well, i think that when they say those things, it justifies it in their head. it makes it okay if it's our fault. it makes it okay if they dont' love us anymore. and they may even believe it for awhile but they will realize the truth sooner or later. just hang in there. it's really tough but you can get through it.
Re:Not a clue what to do! pleesehelp: Thanks for the kind replies. I need to know a couple things. Yesterday we talked and she was crying and I was crying. She was crying because she said shes sorry she hurt me and didnt want to end in any bad way. I was crying because I was begging her to leave this person and give me another chance to show how much I love her and make her happy again. When I said Please leave him, she said She Can't. I'm sorry but I dont love you anymore. I also think she said that He has all of her heart. :'( I begged her to try counseling with me but she insists her love for me is over. I told her everything I could and practically begged her the whole time to give this another chance. She just kept her head down shaking it "no". I had to leave for work and I felt terrible. While at work. I wrote a long note pretty much repeating what was said earlier but a few other things I didnt get a chance to say. There was begging in that too. I gave it to her before she left for work this morn. and told her to read the whole thing. Am I wrong to keep begging her to help me save this? It may not be my fault that she cheated according to most of you,but, it is my fault I didnt show her how much I really do love her. Am I wasting my time? Or does anybody think it may be worth it to keep trying? Am I pushing her further away with the begging? I would put what just happened in the past (tho I know it will eat at me) just to have my family again! Somebody help me! Please!
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