Re:I am such a mess and need help :broken:: It does not apply to every case, but, most of the time, if mommy's happy, the kids are too.
[quote"> Is it worth sacrificing the true love that I have finally found to try and make a horrible marriage better[/quote">
1.- Please, for you, for your kids, if you're leaving a relationship finish it up before you start a new one. It's not fair to you or him, there will come a time where you will doubt your feelings for this "other" person, you will question if it was loneliness or real love and it hurt you and him. If you leave your husband leave for you. For what's out there for you and your kids, eventually there will be time for this other person to come into your life.
2.- Don't stay because of your kids, they are a very important part of the marriage, but you are not helping them at all if you're willing to sacrifice your life for them, (what I used to think about was... would I want my daughter to stay in a relationship like this if she were in my situation [god forbid"> ) Be strong, it's not the easy route, but nobody said it was, and if you don't love the man, then it's worth it.
3, 4, 5, 6, & 7.- Work with him about the kids, try to give them attention, lots of love, respect and try to shield them from grown up problems. Explain to them in terms they understand.
8.-Follow your heart, working on the marriage will not be easy, but leaving it won't be either.
Re:I am such a mess and need help Jennah: Hi, I'm new to the board also. I can't really give you good solid advice, as my life is also a mess right now. My husband seems to be a lot like yours. Fear of losing my child to him in a cutody fight has also kept me with him. I guess there comes a point when you have to do what's best for you. The thought of leaving someone like that is very scary, and I wish you the best. You will know when enough is enough. As far as the other man, is it possible you just need love and some kind of feeling from another human being? I know there have been times all I wished for was someone to love me and protect me from what was going on in my life. Be careful not to confuse love with the need for human kindness. But then the thought of giving another man control and power over my life scares the hell out of me. I hope you make the best choice for you and your kids. Good luck
Re:I am such a mess and need help Kellyarmendariz: Thank you for all of your thoughts. I think that some of this has helped. It definately helps to know that there are other people who have been there. As for the OTHER man, I think that I may be confusing love for human kindness. I mean I know that he loves me....but do I really love him?? I don't think that I truly love myself, so how could I love anyone else. He is the perfect man when it comes to romance and thoughtfulness and all of those things, but he is lazy as sin. I work a full time job, and then I have to go home and clean the house, do the laundry, make sure the bills are paid and everything else. That has frusterated me because the one thing about my ex was that he is definately a good provider. When we were together I did not work, I stayed home with my children and we never wanted for anything. He worked long hours to make sure that we were taken care of.
I also kind of feel like that even though my ex and I reconciled once, I think that a lot of our problems and fighting had more to do with me than him. I have never felt truly happy with myself, and therefore I don't think that I ever gave myself completely to him. Every time things got bad I threatened to leave. I mean it must be hard to try to make things better with someone that your afraid is going to leave all of the time. I think that marriage counseling could help, but I think above all else I need counseling for myself.
If I can't get right within myself, how can I possibly give myself to anyone else. And if I am going to try to fix my own problems and feel more comfortable in my own skin in order to be able to have a healthy relationship with someone else, shouldn't it be my husband?? I mean there is so much at stake with him. I would also tell you all that there is always much more to the story. I have also threatened to leave my current relationship every time things get a little rocky. My entire life it has been easier for me to run from my problems than to stay and deal with them. Just a little more for everyone to consider.
Thank you all.
Kelly
