No regrets! jen: I had an AHA! moment when I was driving back from work today that I wanted to share with everyone.
Background: I've never really dated. I was with my stbxh since I was 18 - and dating I did in hs doesn't really count in my book - too long ago...so, last weekend I went out on my very first "first date". It was very nice to have someone ask me out, take me out to dinner and then dancing...conversation was generally pretty light - he knows that I am getting divorced, but I haven't really gotten into it much with him.
In any case, I was reflecting back on some of the conversation and realized from some of the things he said at dinner that he may have the impression that I may feel that I missed out on something by getting married so young, not ever having really dated, etc. I AM enjoying meeting new people and having a good time right now with my friends, but I am not out to become the party girl that I missed out on in my 20's. I don't really feel like I missed out on anything...
Back to my AHA! moment. When I think about the "still" single people I know and have met, most of them have had short-term relationships and their priorities have often been in a different place than mine. That's okay. But, I was feeling like a fish out of water about being single and just learning about dating, and not really being sure having never dated...but what I realized today was that I wouldn't trade my experiences for the world. Having experienced a long-term relationship and marriage are a different kind of experience that many of the single people I know couldn't even fathom. Many of them have never been that completely vulnerable to anybody or taken that kind of leap of faith in love.
I don't regret anything, not a single minute. Even though it didn't work out and I was devastated by it. Life and love are risks - no one gives us guarantees. And, when the time is right, I would happily take the leap again because I know how wonderful the intimacy of marriage can be. In the meanwhile, I feel more confident about the place that I am coming from when I meet new people because of this realization. ;D
Re:No regrets! Dino: I'm in awe of your post. I honestly wish I could feel like you do one day. Right now I am too bitter to feel anything good about my relationship. You give me hope though.
Re:No regrets! jen: Dino -
If you had asked me a few months ago if I would ever feel this way, I would say NO! I honestly never thought that I would feel anything other than bitterness and anger about my marriage...but my marriage has been an important part of me and who I have become. And, I decided that I like who I am.
I'm glad that I could offer a little hope...I can't say when, but if you are open to it, you'll find peace and healing in your own time, too...
mtmo
Re:No regrets! caligirl: MTMO-
first of all -great to hear about your date, and going out and having fun!
what a wonderful outlook--
aside from the pain this process has brought us- i do, and i'm sure all of us can remember a blissful time together with our spouses (ex's)...and i'm with you-
the enrichment of loviing and falling in love and yes, risking, and putting it all out there is a strength that we all can say we've gained through it all....and that is something i wouldn't trade for the world. it is all a learning experience...
Re:No regrets! timetobefree: [quote author=MotivatedToMoveOn link=board=4;threadid=7048;start=0#msg56484 date=1106190237">
but my marriage has been an important part of me and who I have become. And, I decided that I like who I am.
[/quote">
mtmo,
WOW. That is so true. For me, this is when I finally stopped being so bitter and realized that I would not be who I am today had I not married my ex. And I, too, like who I am. Hot d@mn, I am even proud of the person I am. ;D (I hope you all know I am really not conceited! Just proud of how I have come through this, and if anyone understands, I know you all do!)
Thanks for such a great post! Glad you had an AHA moment! They are the best feeling in the whole world!
Amy :D
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