Now I need ya'lls advice Hells_Fairy: Hi everyone. I have been replying, but now I need some replies of my
own.
I just talked with the EX. It was such a nice conversation (two
hours). We talked about everything that has happened, us, kids, finances, etc. Talked about improvements that could have been made, ways that we felt abandoned, mistreated. I told him how sorry I was for not
being a better wife in terms of cooking supper more often, welcoming him home and not griping about every little thing and taking into consideration his feelings.. etc. The thing is, I feel better for telling him all of my bottled up feelings, but wonder if it was a
waste. I ended up crying during all of this and I haven't done that in a long time (felt stupid). He talked about us going out sometime when he comes down. Told me to call him anytime/told me thanks for telling him all this/nice to get it all out/nice talking with me in
an adult way. We talked about the mistress and how she came about. He told me he didn't know why he did what he did except that we were having problems and she was all of the things that he wanted me to
be, but that didn't matter because there isn't any justification in what he did. He told me that what he did was stupid, selfish and that he regretted it and he was sorry. I told him that the communication line should have been more open and that everything that we did was based on a cause and effect type thing. If he did something, I griped, if I did something, he got
stressed out. He explained to me that he should have come to me more often with situations and talked with me and I said the same.
What to think now? He had to get off the phone because he had a call to tend to. That kind of hurt my feelings, but after all, we aren't together and we did talk for two hours and I wanted to go anyways.
When he comes down, what if he doesn't act the same? What if he doesn't want to do the things he said he wanted to do in the first place? I know I shouldn't get angry or get my heart broken, but damn it, I still love him. I HATE being in this stage. I haven't been here
yet so it's alot to take in. What should I do? Please help guys!!
Re:Now I need ya'lls advice Dino: I'm only going to give a negative response. I can't imagine being with someone who has betrayed my trust and slept with another person.
He may well feel remorse about his actions but I don't think anyone should have dealings with their ex if they can avoid it. Especially not during the early stages of a breakup.
I'm still bitter from my breakup but I dont think its worth future pain by having dealings with the ex. I still love my ex but I hate her too. I won't have anything to do with her again.
Re:Now I need ya'lls advice lvaughn24: I have these same long talks with mine. He still stays with his girlfriend though. I think lots of times they say these things cause its what they think we want to hear.Mine lies every time we talk about things cause he stays with the ow. these are just my experiences your husband could be different though.
Re:Now I need ya'lls advice falling: Sounds like a great heart to heart conversation. Seems like it helped you and you shouldn’t feel stupid for crying its part of the process. Hopefully things will change for the better, but for right now I think you should just look at it as a good discussion. Building up expectation may not be the best approach at this time.
I wish my wife would talk to me. She hasn’t even given me a reason for leaving and it’s been almost a year.
Dino, I agree that I would harbor a great deal of resentment, also.
Re:Now I need ya'lls advice sheydp: I agree not to feel stupid for crying. This whole break-up/divorce thing involves a lot of feelings that have to get out somehow. I think it is great you could talk about these issues. I am not as negative about the possibility of getting back together as the others are. I think we all face temptations, we all make mistakes. The question is, can we and have we learned from them. I definately agree, though, that one good conversation, no matter how good, shouldn't get your hopes up too much. It would take many such conversations, plus probably some counseling together, before I would believe things would really change. Regret and guilt are a start, but don't guarantee that it won't happen again. You need to be able to know you can talk through things all the time, even the tough things, before you should think there might be a chance for a successful reconciliation. Trust yourself, you'll know if you have no doubts - that is the only time to think about getting back together. In the meantime - enjoy the growth these conversations bring!!! Good luck!
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