Re:Casual distractions? loshyra: Ken-
I totally think that it is depending on what you feel comfortable with at that time. I have done it both ways, but mainly because after the first divorce I wanted someone right away and then after the second I felt better with spending more time a lone and then finding that special someone. So like I said, totally up to you and what you feel comfortable with at that time.
Loshyra 8)
Re:Casual distractions? Shanna: I think it is okay to date more than one person as long as all of the people involved know and if you aren't "active" with any of them......
Re:Casual distractions? Spectrum: I second what Sully said about dating multiple people.... It's all good as long as you aren't sleeping with any of them.
As far as when to start dating and what you "should" do, that really varies from person to person and from situation to situation.
For example..... I left my ex when I discovered his long-term affair. He insisted on dragging out the divorce with the intention of getting me back, despite my repeated assertions that I wasn't changing my mind, and despite the fact that he was *still* dating his OW (?!?!?).
Due to my own personal circumstances, and the fact that I'd been contemplating divorce for several months before I discovered the cheating, I felt totally justified dating about a month after I left him, despite the fact that my divorce wasn't technically final.
I didn't date anyone with any seriousness until after I'd signed all the final paperwork and really didn't find anyone I really connected with for several months. It was about 10 1/2 months after I left him that I found someone I was interested in getting seriously involved with. And quite frankly, I think I wasn't emotionally ready for anything serious until that point.
So while dating for fun and distraction is a good thing, just make sure you aren't using it as a crutch to get you through the process. After all, any shortcuts you take in the healing process are bound to bite you on the rear eventually.
Spectrum.
Re:Casual distractions? kenzim: Spectrum,
I think that's a great take, Thank You!
I also received some great advice from a friend today too, say said, "It seems like you’re living a life full of business and excitement rather than a life of purpose…..perhaps to avoid the feelings about your ex."
This pretty much hit the nail on the head. I haven't been sleeping with the girls I'm dating, but there is evidence that it would happen soon. This can only end up hurting others, including myself.
You've all given me a lot to think about, and I thank you!
Ken
Re:Casual distractions? brynne: I jumped right into the waters, it helped me temporarily but I still have unresolved issues. It's 1 year post divorce & I am still hurt & mostly untrusting of men. That is coming out in many facets of the dates & the 1 relationship that just ended.
So now I find myself alone (with out dates) since the divorce & it is SCARY. I don't like the idea of being alone or not having a man persue me (call it low self-esteem).
I may try to be on my own a while before I go looking again, otherwise I think the unresolved issues will keep coming up.
Hope that helps...
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