Thank you all for your help....but Kellyarmendariz:
Thank you for all of your thoughts. I think that some of this has helped. It definately helps to know that there are other people who have been there. As for the OTHER man, I think that I may be confusing love for human kindness. I mean I know that he loves me....but do I really love him?? I don't think that I truly love myself, so how could I love anyone else. He is the perfect man when it comes to romance and thoughtfulness and all of those things, but he is lazy as sin. I work a full time job, and then I have to go home and clean the house, do the laundry, make sure the bills are paid and everything else. That has frusterated me because the one thing about my ex was that he is definately a good provider. When we were together I did not work, I stayed home with my children and we never wanted for anything. He worked long hours to make sure that we were taken care of.
I also kind of feel like that even though my ex and I reconciled once, I think that a lot of our problems and fighting had more to do with me than him. I have never felt truly happy with myself, and therefore I don't think that I ever gave myself completely to him. Every time things got bad I threatened to leave. I mean it must be hard to try to make things better with someone that your afraid is going to leave all of the time. I think that marriage counseling could help, but I think above all else I need counseling for myself.
If I can't get right within myself, how can I possibly give myself to anyone else. And if I am going to try to fix my own problems and feel more comfortable in my own skin in order to be able to have a healthy relationship with someone else, shouldn't it be my husband?? I mean there is so much at stake with him. I would also tell you all that there is always much more to the story. I have also threatened to leave my current relationship every time things get a little rocky. My entire life it has been easier for me to run from my problems than to stay and deal with them. Just a little more for everyone to consider.
Thank you all.
Kelly
