Re:He says he wants to break up with her but needs a reason lvaughn24: Hes a jerk. I dont know why people thought i wanted him back. thats the last thing i want.Only reason i listen to what he has to say is cause we promised to be civil to each other and if i dont talk to him he says how i never loved him or cared about him, and how he only cheated cause i wouldnt listen or talk to him. I dont want him to feel that way so I try to still be his friend even though hes torn my heart out and trampled on it.
Re:He says he wants to break up with her but needs a reason heartbroken4: I can understand that. I didnt think you wanted him back. Its just that I hate it when these x's hurt us and than like us to be there to listen. I listened for a while for the same reasons you mentioned but it hurt too much so I stopped.
Re:He says he wants to break up with her but needs a reason lvaughn24: It does hurt like i said i dont want him back but it still hurts like hell to hear about his relationship with her.
Re:He says he wants to break up with her but needs a reason sheydp: You can be civil (forget my early comment) and not get into it. Just tell him when he brings her up that you don't want to talk about that, only your child. If he says you don't listen explain politely that that is not your job anymore. When he ended the relationship, he ended that obligation. It is him not being civil if he tries to cross boundaries that are normal to your new situation. You can't be his friend unless he is a friend to you too, and continuing to drag you into this, he is not being a friend!
Re:He says he wants to break up with her but needs a reason DOK: My x did the same thing. Wanted to talk to me all the time about her new relationship with "Grandpa". I did it for 3 months, then said "B.S." Enough was enough.
I hope you can get to that point too.
You need to direct the conversations to focus solely on the kids. Use e-mail if you have to. Put up communication boundaries, then don't let him cross them. Sometimes I think the cheater engages in this type of behavior to rub it in the face of the cheatee - something like saying: "See, if only you would have been nicer and kinder to me, and kissed my a$$ more, then I would still be with you, and you wouldn't have to be listening about my romantic and sexual escapades with someone else. But you blew it! This is all your fault." Don't allow that. He left you. His rights to run you through the emotional ringer is over.
I definitely agree with the others here - put up those emotional fences, 20 feet high, with razor wire at the top, and testicle electrocuters too if you need to (metaphorically speaking of course). He needs to stop using you as a crutch - and as a justification for his own dysfunctional behavior.
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