Can trust ever be rebuilt? NoEscape: I was wondering this driving in my car today. If someone has sex with another person...a lot...activity that should be only reserved for your spouse--why do you want them back? Can that trust ever be rebuilt?
I find myself wondering about this ---
Many women(and some men)--just cheat because they are unhappy. Do they end the marriage ? no Do they demand counseling or its time for divorce? No
They basically bitch about their marriage to someone else who may be unhappily married or unhappily single.
Then of course they get an emotional connection with them(misery does love company) and screwing on your bed when your not home isnt far away. Some women are funny...they want to make absolutely sure that they have someone to talk to, have sex with and will be willing to be there for them when they are trying to get over leaving you. Thats exactly what my ex is doing...although she will deny it(woooo what a surprise). So lets say it never gets that far and we work it out. Can trust ever be rebuilt? I've been trying so hard to get my wife back...I've been asling myself though...for what? So if she becomes anonymously "unhappy" again in the relationship she will start looking for someone else. --I am not sure if I want/need that. I do love her...but I need to love me too...So what do you guys think...can trust be rebuilt ?
Re:Can trust ever be rebuilt? Kellyarmendariz: I don't think that I have any good advice for you, but I will say this. I am trying to work things out with my ex right now. I have been living with someone else for about six months. I think my husband is incredible for being able to look me in the eyes and say that he loves me after he knows that I have been with someone else. That would be a tough pill to swallow for sure. I am not sure why we women are that way. I have always felt like I needed someone. In my marriage I was missing the affection and attention and when I left I just wanted someone to fill that void. For some reason some of us feel like we need someone else to make us happy.
As a woman in the same situation, reversed, I will say that I think that trust can be rebuilt, but both people have to vow to put it behind them and move on together. You can not make your partner live a life sentence for what they did and they have to be willing to leave the past behind completely. Trust can be rebuilt, one step at a time, but you both have to be picture windows and let each other see in. No secrets, no lies.
Good luck to you
Re:Can trust ever be rebuilt? shane24: Thats a tough one because I guess it depends on the individual. I am going through what you are also, only for the second time. I was left for another man two years ago(cheated on really), then left. I was devestated and had all of those feelings. A couple months after it happened she came crawling back. I loved her with all my heart and knew that everyone deserved a second chance. We got a new place together by Atlantic City and jobs right next door to each other. Everything was great for me, but I couldnt let go of her previous escapades. I lost alot of respect and trust for her, and although I loved her with all my heart, I couldnt feel that love in return even if it was authentic this time. I consistently threw it in her face and on New Years she walked out and hasnt come back. I found out two days after she left that she was already sleeping with someone else. I figure if it happens two days after the split it was probably happening for a while. However, I know that she was unhappy due to the fact that I wouldnt let her live the past down and take her love. I understand that some women need fall backs as to not be crushed when leaving us. I guess my point is, If she wanted you back and was sincere, it would take alot from you. You would have to start fresh and never bring the past up again. If you do she will feel untrusted, and without trust there really is nothing. (trust me!) I guess I wasnt a strong enough man to let it go and now have lost the best thing in my life for the second time. Maybe you are stronger than me. People make mistakes and sex is not as sacred to some people as it is to others. Make sure that you truly want whats coming back to you before you make that choice. It will not be the same as it was ever. You relationship will be forever transformed.
Re:Can trust ever be rebuilt? Croutonic: God, that's hard.
I agree with shane - everything will be different. I think that if something is to be worked out, you will both be different individuals. You can't go back to how things were, so you would have to hammer out something based on who you are now. I'm not sure I'd want to do that. Make sure you really want it, be realistic with yourself, and stick to your guns.
Re:Can trust ever be rebuilt? LostTeacher: Croutonic:
i know how you feel. before, i would have gone back in a heartbeat, even after everything (leaving out of nowhere, closing bank-accounts, organizing my stuff to move out, refusing to let me take some stuff to start a new life). but now, after all of this, i don't know if i could make the same decision anymore. i love him.... have loved him for over 1/2 my life. so it's the only thing i know. i am scared to move on with myself. there was a "plan" that i wanted to follow, and now that plan is gone, and i have to start from scratch. but that's life. i don't know if he would ever want to try again, but i know i am torn at this point...... *sigh*
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