Re:Can trust ever be rebuilt? defuzer: I too am in the same boat. I found out last month my wife had been having an affair. On top of that she had 2 emotional affairs in the very recent past which I forgave her for. I am finding it difficult to trust her, why should I? We are at the point of filing for divorce because I want to, because I figure if she can do it once, she can do it again. But then maybe she never would. I love her very much, but this is killing me inside. She is the kind of woman that just has to have someone around to validate her, which I am not always because of the military. I asked her why she liked the guy she was with and she said because he told her she was pretty and made her feel good. I asked her if it felt any different when he told her and when I did and she said no, but he was there and I was not. I want to try and work it out, but I think it will end in divorce anyway.
Re:Can trust ever be rebuilt? LostTeacher: why is it that we take for granted the things we have? i thought i was very greatful for everything i had, but i did take certain things for granted. like having someone always there for me, or being happy if he was happy. i didn't worry about myself. i just assumed that because we were married, that i had that cushion in my life, and would never, ever have to worry about the things i am dealing with now. i believed that marriage with me was going to be different, it was going to be forever. little things that were wrong, i never let bother me, because i didn't think they were a big deal in the grand scheme of things. i now realize that they were a big deal. the being criticized, the lack of emotion, the ignoring when agruments happened. never really being able to say what i wanted and getting a valid response... every time i think of those things, it opens my eyes to what was really happening, a breakdown of communication, and of our relationship. and that trust could never be the same.
Re:Can trust ever be rebuilt? defuzer: LT
I agree about the taking for granted part. Some people can’t be happy with what they have and instead of trying to improve that relationship, they do something stupid, or start a different one like it will be better. I always loved being around my wife, just being with her. I loved doing housework just so she didn’t have too. The Marine Corps taught me to be self-reliant which I am, but I think it led to the demise of my marriage because I was always giving to her and she reciprocated on her terms when she wanted to.
Re:Can trust ever be rebuilt? LostTeacher: defuzer
i agree about the doing things to make him happy, that was what i always did. i would be the only one to clean, i would go to things he wanted, i would drop things for him. it was only recently that i was not agreeing to everything he said that i started to notice things. like that he never wanted to come out with my friends, no matter what we were doing. or let me go out with his. or come and watch me play b-ball. and things just weren't ever done to make me happy, and i am finally starting to see that. amazing when a revelation will hit you, sitting at home in bed alone, watching tv, driving to work, or writing on here! ;)
Re:Can trust ever be rebuilt? defuzer: Exactly!
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