Re: When to start 'dating'? atd74: itwillgetbetter,
The first thing I thought of when I read the first few lines of your post was that your s2bx behavior is not surprising. My ex plastered his face on two different internet dating sites a month or so before the divorce was final. And this was a man who was literally hanging on my belt loops not too long prior, begging me to take him back - AGAIN.
Secondly, everyone is different in their recovery from divorce. I don't necessarily IMO belive that it's healthy to start a serious relationship while separated. Afterall - most sepearations are due to the fact that you want to work on your marriage and "try one last time" before you get divorced. Most separations are supposed to be soul searching journey's to figure out who YOU are, what YOU want and not to jump seriously into another LTR when you don't even know what you want/what your spouse wants out of the one you already have.
I have been divorced for two months now and I have started dating again but I'm taking it slow. I am not specifically searching for a LTR right now. I basically am looking to get to meet different guys and date as much as possible before I get married again so that I know myself a little better as well. However, if the right person comes along and a wonderful relationship develops I am not going to throw away or overanalyze it to death.
Hope these thoughts and opinions help you figure out what you want/need to do for yourself...
Re: When to start 'dating'? hurtingverymuch: IMO, I think it depends on the person and what they feel comfortable with, what they are ready for, and the reasons.
You have to feel comfortable with the decision you make, be ready for it, and as Pisces said, doing it for the right reasons.
I have a high regard for you and your outlook and decision on not dating a separated person where there may be a possibility of reconciliation.
It saddens and angers me where I come across situations (such as my own) where the other person doesn't care when they are even married. As I posted before it seems to become a challenge to some people when they see that ring on a person's finger.
Pisces, I'm so glad to hear that you've found some happiness, you deserve it, girl! Sounds like you've been to h*ll and back from your previous posts.
Take care!
Hurt
Re: When to start 'dating'? Brian75034: "..Now I am questioning myself and wondering well why shouldn't I go out and just get involved again. What harm will it do? So I was just wondering what others thought about getting involved again so quickly......... "
Ok, here is my take on it.
First, there is a BIG difference between "dating" and "getting involved" with someone again. Dating means going out, having fun, not getting attached, etc. Getting involved means getting into a relationship with someone and just one person, maybe sexually involved, constantly doing things together as a couple.
I think "getting involved" is not a great idea to do when either seperate OR just divorced.
After a divorce, one really needs time on their own to find themself again. And finding themself is not done very effectively while dealing with a breakup. Its about finishing the breakup and starting anew. Figuring out what part you played in the role of your divorce. Figuring out why things happened the way they did. Figuring out what you can do differently so the same thing wont happen again.
And I think its very hard to figure all that out if you "get involved" with someone new.
Just my $.02.
B
Re: When to start 'dating'? notmyself: i started dating, very quickly, which turned into being involved. now i am in a 'relationship', and i care very much about my boyfriend. however, i am still dealing with all the divorce and abandonment issues while trying to be a girlfriend. it is very hard sometimes also not to penalize my bf for what my x did. i have alot of trust issues. there is no proper amount of time to wait. just wait until you are ready. good luck!
nms
