See-Saw life kimura321: Recently my stbxw had some mediccal problems with her female area- pretty bad ones. So I who normally just watch her son the 2 days a week I have off(I work 12-20 hour shifts at wierd hours) pretty much moved mountains, turned in some favors at work- and went on a limb to take care of the young lad. It was pretty ruthless for three weeks of nearly no sleep and no life- but it's okay- she was in need and the boy needed someone to look out for him while she was in and out of the hospital and zonked out on 5 different pills.
After she got better I still watched him like crazy- I even snuck out of work to help her change her tire. It seemed things were getting better between us- at least we weren't fighting and she was for once being cool to me and seemed to actually appreciate what I was doing instead of taking it for granted.
Now she's all better-she's back to "I'm too cool for you" mode, and thinks she's got the world by the bollocks because I've been running ragged to help her out.
She acts like she does't care if I watch the boy anymore. But it always happens- she is too cool for me for a week- then it starts getting too hard on her to watch him all the time and she calls me up with a new problem or crisis- seems nice about it- and then when she picks up the peices tells me how great her life is now that she's doing it her way.
Meanwhile- while I'm picking the pieces of my life back together and moving on- she keeps dragging me back down.
I hate to see her in bad shape though-she's not a bad person- she just is horrible at relationships.
Now the boy is having big problems at day-care- freaks out when I leave his side for a moment- and hides behind me when I take him to her house. I don't know if she will let me adopt him or as sson as this tour of duty for us ends and we go to different Geographical locals- she will cast me aside because I'm not convenient anymore . What's sad is the real victem will be this sweet 3 year old boy- who will never know his biological father- and lose touch with the only father he's known since birth.
This sucks so bad- and all she cares about is her job and social status. She loves us in her own way- but her actions are so destuctive it's just plain sad.
I just don't know what to do- I don't know what in the long term will be the right things to do.
Re:See-Saw life heartbroken4: kimura321
Its so sad to see so many people not make good decisions about their children. Of course the little boy loves you and cries for you, you are most likely the one who gives him the love and attention he needs. Its very painful I know. My x is terrible at making decisions to prevent the kids from any pain while growing up.
Its hard but you have to try to become unavailable at times for her. She seems like she is taking advantage of you! But I know its hard because of the boy. I really feel for you...it must be hard. How about giving her days your available and the rest she will have to figure out on her own?
HB4
Re:See-Saw life kimura321: Normally I try to do that- but with her female problems she will never have a normal sex life again. She is on all kinds of pills including two painkillers. I felt kinda bad for her having to deal with this at a young age and also she couldn't drive 'cause the meds. I wanted to help out at this time and also didn't want the boy to stay in that kind of unsupervised environment. At the best of times she hardly spends quality time with him- she gets up takes him to day care- gets off work- picks him up- feeds him and puts him straight to bed. On the weekends she runs errands and likes to go out on saturday night- and on sunday she drops him off to go grocery shoppping and watches TV. In the entire time we have been together she has never dedicated a single day to doing something for him, like going to the park or the zoo.
Although he was unplanned by her- she cannot have any other kids do to her problems and she does love him- but she's told me before that he makes it hard for her to move on with her life. When she has him for too long she begs me to watch him- but when I have him for too long she wants him back.
I hope one day she puts her priority as a mother on the top of her list instead of work or her friends.
Re:See-Saw life Chey: This sounds like a terrible situation to be in....on one hand I think you're being pulled in all the time to a situation you REALLY need some distance from. You're being used for your services, and really not appreciated at all.
On the other hand this woman is someone who you have had deep feelings for (still?), and had a medical condition that means she needs assistance. On top of that a little boy who loves you, and who you obviously love.
I was very lucky (if I can call it that)...when I left my husband, his ex who he has 2 children with, and I had become very good friends. I call the children each Wednesday and speak to them, and she is more than happy for them to come and visit me, or me to stay with them when I go back to the UK to visit. We write emails all the time...but it's not the same. I miss them all the time, but at least their mother understands this, and the children and I have as much access to each other as we want. It took 4 years to get to that point though. So maybe just keep up any kind of contact with your step-son...and maybe in time your ex will come to realise the importance of that relationship you have with her son...for his sake he will need you more than ever.
Best of luck,
Chey
Re:See-Saw life gumby55555: Kimura, I'm sorry if this is going to sound harsh, but your stbxw sounds insane! You sound like you're not only a saint but that you care deeply for her, while she sounds like a mess who's pushing away someone who's doing SO much for her and her son! Holy cow, what the heck is going on with her? I'm sorry, I've been following your story from the sidelines and, as hard as this might be to hear, I think you need to cut ties with her AND her son. I know Bubba was kidding when he called women insane but this one really does seem it to me!
