Why is he so mean to me??? Samanthain: I was doing so well and now I'm really hurting again. I just don't know if I'll ever understand how he could love me right up to the divorce and now not care if I live or die. I'll always love him and want happiness for him and all I needed to feel better was to know that he gives a darn about me but all I keep getting is hatred and always accusing me of having the worst intentions.
I started feeling the hurt and sadness all over again last week and this week he called me to tell me that my cat was dying and let me come see her once before she died. I let myself feel that since he was thoughtful that he did give a darn about me. Then I just sent him an email with a few helpful links and offering my prayers for this difficult time and he replied saying he knew all I would do was second-guess him and give him grief but he thought it would be the decent thing to do to let me see her. He was really mean as usual. Why do I let him keep hurting me?? I guess that I just keep praying for some kindness from him. It hurts SOOOOOOOO much!!!!!! I just don't know how I can handle him being so mean and feeling so uncaring about me. I thought that we'd always be friends and care about one another even if we couldn't be married. His family has totally written me off as well. Just as a background, we've been divorced a year and a half and he is already remarried. I just thought that his having happiness again would take away the bitterness he feels towards me. I want them to be happy and have expressed that to them as best as I can and of course I'm no threat to their relationship. Why does it have to be like this???
Re:Why is he so mean to me??? LostTeacher: oh, isn't it amazing that as soon as we see a glimmer of light in the door, we slam our bodies against it, praying that there is some hope. i know that this is my biggest and most dangerous downfall. anytime that i hear even a tiny bit of remorse in his voice, i try pushing the door open, trying to get him to see the light, and that this was a mistake, and blah, blah, blah!! but the thing is, it doesn't matter how much i push, he keeps slamming the door me, and then i feel worse than before. and i don't understand how he can be so mean and uncaring too, after over 11 years together. the thing that is helping me is trying as hard as possible not to be in contact with him. it's terrible sometimes, especially since i haven't seen him since november. but it's the only way that i can try to get over him. sometimes cut off is the only way.
Re:Why is he so mean to me??? Samanthain: Everyone always tells me that I'm worse off every contact that I have with him but I'm always praying that this time will be different and I'll finally get the peace that I'm looking for. It just hurts so much to think that he doesn't care and would be perfectly fine if I never contacted him again!! All I want is for him to say that he forgives me and that he'll always want the best for me. Just something nice to replace all those hateful words. I know that his contacting me about the cat was a good sign but it just gives hopes and he's just not capable I guess of being an adult in this and treating me decently. I guess that all I ever want is a birthday card once a year to show that he remembers me and cares whether I'm alive.
Thanks for writing. I know that no one can just take this pain away but I'm just so tired of hurting!
Re:Why is he so mean to me??? Samanthain: I know that not everyone has answers and most are going through these same emotions and pain of this loss. Just need to talk - are you there?
Re:Why is he so mean to me??? LostTeacher: i will be on-line off and on during the day today, so if you post, i will be here to listen. the only problem right now is that i don't have a computer at home, so i can only post during the week when at work. but if you have something you want to talk about during the day, i will try to have some words of wisdom for you (although don't know how much help i will be...) ;)
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