Re:Why is he so mean to me??? Samanthain: Thanks everyone for listening!
I know in my head that it's probably best for me to have nothing to do with him since that's the way he'd like it anyway but my heart keeps thinking everytime that this time it will be different and he'll be nice and I can feel like he still cares in a new way. I know that I couldn't expect to be good friends with them but I've tried to let them know that I'm happy for them. I guess it's just really hard to let someone you care about slip totally out of your life forever. I just want to feel like he cares and doesn't hate me. I got away for the weekend and feel a little better but for awhile I was feeling as shaky as I did a year ago. I still worry about the cat because it's hard knowing she needs help right now and I can't make any decisions about her care or depend on him to keep me updated. I guess it was a positive sign that he let me see her one last time but it got my hopes up too much that he was going to remain decent. Hope next week is better!! Thanks again!
Re:Why is he so mean to me??? barelybreathing: People handle their pain differently.
Especially if they exited the marriage in a poor manner.
His anger, is a projection of his pain and his failures. But he has to release it on someone and that someone is going to be you.
First off, don't take it personally. If you are doing the right thing in life, how can you?
Secondly, as hard as it is, don't get sucked into his vacuum of anger. You will want to try to defend yourself, yell back and reason with his antics, but you simply can't. He is in his own world right now. A selfish, self-absorbed frame of mind. And you can't reason and communicate with a crazed person. You don't have the language skills!
Instead, when he behaves this way, leave, hang up, walk away. When he berates you, don't try to defend yourself. Just vacate the scene. It works, trust me on this. It really works for him and for you.
In time, the dynamics will change. He can't punch a punching bag that has deflated......
Divorce is a crazy time. If you can understand the psychological behaviors behind it, then you can get through the process much easier.
Hang in there!
BB
Re:Why is he so mean to me??? LostTeacher: Samanthain :
just wondering if your week is going any better? feeling blue or red or what??
and anyone else? can anyone else share some good things about this week?
Re:Why is he so mean to me??? Samanthain: Thanks again, everyone for your words of encouragement!
And thanks, LostTeacher, for asking how my week's going! It's nice that someone cares.
Well, I spent the weekend at my parents and when I got home Monday I got a call from my ex on my cell phone while I was still at the airport. He told me that he had the cat put to sleep on Friday. He was actually fairly decent this time and asked about all of my family members and didn't try to rush off the phone although there were a few things he didn't seem to want to talk about like his family. He still doesn't want to have any communication but I'm feeling better about things because his actions, with letting me see the cat and keeping me informed about her status and asking about how my family was doing, show me that he must still care some. That was what I was having the hardest time accepting that he could just hate me after all those years together. I guess that I just have to come to accept what little he is able to give me of any type of relationship.
Anyway, so far this week I'm doing pretty well (probably better than before he contacted me. I always feel like I'm just waiting for the next shoe to drop but so far so good!
Hope everyone else is doing ok too!!
